The Nate Way 
By Nathan DeGraaf
I, Points in Case Columnist and reserved diplomat, Nathan DeGraaf, live in Tampa and write about whatever I want. One day, someone may actually pay me to babble on endlessly about my meaningless existence. Until then, this will have to do.
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By Nathan DeGraaf
Recent Posts (View all):
About Nathan DeGraaf
Hometown
Tampa, FL by way of St. Louis, MO
School
University of South Florida
At a Glance
Nathan DeGraaf graduated fucking years ago with a BA in Creative Writing from the University of South Florida, which he still lives near because college chicks are the best.
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Your Mom's Favorites
By Nathan DeGraaf
The Snippets Archive
Listen
What the Hell are Street Smarts?
A Day in the Life of a Crappy Photographer
BJ, Catslut and Army Dude
Nathan "Nate" DeGraaf
In Memory of that One Dude
Intervention Free
Rest in Peace Old Friend
Talking About Breakfast
At Least It's Summer
I'm With You Peta
Brave New Chore
Coney Island of the Gut
Hot Chicks Will Mess You Up
My Favorite Ten Lines
You Can't Enforce Respect
It's Not Like he was Gonna Write Beethoven's Fifth
A Hurricane by any Other Name
Your Money is Lying to You
Gasparilla: I'm a Shitty Photographer
Post 420
A Five Tool Rat
I'd Make a Lousy Dad
Missouri is a Bitch
Lil' Tony's Mortality
Health: The Nate Way
A Conversation with Jake
A Conversation with Mickey
My New Pet
Good Weird Moment in a Little League Tulip Field
We Will Never Forget
Lord Stanley and the Pampered Bitch
Ten Things that Suck About Sleeping Around
Bad Baseball and Presumptuous Rednecks
The Bible: Just a Book
Six Bucks in New York
Chills: The Coolest Dog Ever
Nuclear Wings and Spicy Bombs
Behind the Scenes with the Boss
Bye Kirby
Killer Train of Thought
Jealous Much
Interview with a Bunni
Wholeheartedly Endorsed
The Humanity
What's in a Hurricane Name?
Crash into Familiarity
No Strings
Nate's Life Lessons
Your Tax Dollars at Work
Hardly Playing the Race Card
Steroids: Because Losing Sucks
Welcome to Florida - Shut Up
Your Mom Digs My Shirt
The Zoo: A Memory
Missing Someone
RJ and the Half Drunk Prince
The Cute White Boy
Your Mom's Links
Simmons
Maddox
With Leather
Amir's Blog
FJM
Deadspin
Surf Report
Kissing Suzy Kolber
NOIS
By Nathan DeGraaf
The Snippets Archive
Listen
What the Hell are Street Smarts?
A Day in the Life of a Crappy Photographer
BJ, Catslut and Army Dude
Nathan "Nate" DeGraaf
In Memory of that One Dude
Intervention Free
Rest in Peace Old Friend
Talking About Breakfast
At Least It's Summer
I'm With You Peta
Brave New Chore
Coney Island of the Gut
Hot Chicks Will Mess You Up
My Favorite Ten Lines
You Can't Enforce Respect
It's Not Like he was Gonna Write Beethoven's Fifth
A Hurricane by any Other Name
Your Money is Lying to You
Gasparilla: I'm a Shitty Photographer
Post 420
A Five Tool Rat
I'd Make a Lousy Dad
Missouri is a Bitch
Lil' Tony's Mortality
Health: The Nate Way
A Conversation with Jake
A Conversation with Mickey
My New Pet
Good Weird Moment in a Little League Tulip Field
We Will Never Forget
Lord Stanley and the Pampered Bitch
Ten Things that Suck About Sleeping Around
Bad Baseball and Presumptuous Rednecks
The Bible: Just a Book
Six Bucks in New York
Chills: The Coolest Dog Ever
Nuclear Wings and Spicy Bombs
Behind the Scenes with the Boss
Bye Kirby
Killer Train of Thought
Jealous Much
Interview with a Bunni
Wholeheartedly Endorsed
The Humanity
What's in a Hurricane Name?
Crash into Familiarity
No Strings
Nate's Life Lessons
Your Tax Dollars at Work
Hardly Playing the Race Card
Steroids: Because Losing Sucks
Welcome to Florida - Shut Up
Your Mom Digs My Shirt
The Zoo: A Memory
Missing Someone
RJ and the Half Drunk Prince
The Cute White Boy
Your Mom's Links
Simmons
Maddox
With Leather
Amir's Blog
FJM
Deadspin
Surf Report
Kissing Suzy Kolber
NOIS
Recent Comments
| Author | Comment | Article |
|---|---|---|
| Court Sullivan | Sounds like a new t-shirt to | It Happens |
| Anonymous (not verified) | woooooooooooooooow. wow. | Dear Black People: Stop Haunting My Dreams |
| Paul Frank | You spammers are always so | 111 Rules of Bar Crashing |
| Svetlana (not verified) | Beautifull design Thanks, | 111 Rules of Bar Crashing |
| a (not verified) | You suck. | Night of Passion |
The Snippets Ain't No Chump
Posted December 13th, 2006 by Nathan DeGraaf
Stoner Chick: Do you think you'll ever get married?
Me: No.
Stoner Chick: Me neither.
Me: Do you mean you'll never get married or you can't see me getting married?
Stoner Chick: Umm? yeah? ish.
Me: What the fuck is yeah-ish?
Dave: So let me see if I got this right, here. Because if I got this right, then you sir, have become the biggest chump I know.
Lefty: Man, I hope Dave's got this right.
Dave: Basically, you are hanging out with a beautiful, eighteen year old girl who is into you, into partying, and likes football.
Me: Yup.
Dave: And you won't fuck her or date her because you think that would be immature.
Me: Yup.
Dave: And you're the same guy who not six months ago received a blowjob in this bar.
Me: Well, I mean, she didn't finish.
Lefty: No, she did. You didn't.
Dave: Regardless, Nate is now the biggest chump I know.
Lefty: Congratulations, dude. I held that title for a few months.
Dave: Years.
Lefty: Whatever.
Lefty: So what? Are you trying to grow up or something?
Me: Little by little.
Dave: Quit talking about your dick, chump.
Me: Fuck a dead squirrel.
Lefty: Well? that's an interesting comeback.
Jimbo: You ever wonder what happens to all the food that decomposes?
Me: It ends up as matter in some way, shape or form.
Jimbo: But don't we all?
Me: Don't we all what?
Jimbo: Matter. Don't we all matter?
Me: How stoned are you right now?
Jimbo: Very.
Stoner Chick: You know, being a bartender is really touchy.
Me: Huh?
Stoner Chick: There's always guys touching you.
Me: Does that bother you?
Stoner Chick: It used to bother me all the time, but now it only bothers me when ugly guys do it.
Me: Why's that?
Stoner Chick: I mean, umm, if the guys are gonna touch me anyways, I'd rather it be the cute ones that do.
Me: There's something wrong with that logic, I'm sure of it. Yet, I find myself agreeing with you so I'm letting that slide.
Stoner Chick: You're a dork.
Me: How's that thing work?
Charlie: I turn it on and I operate it.
Me: How do you do that?
Charlie: You're not playing with my plane.
Me: You suck.
Me: No.
Stoner Chick: Me neither.
Me: Do you mean you'll never get married or you can't see me getting married?
Stoner Chick: Umm? yeah? ish.
Me: What the fuck is yeah-ish?
Dave: So let me see if I got this right, here. Because if I got this right, then you sir, have become the biggest chump I know.
Lefty: Man, I hope Dave's got this right.
Dave: Basically, you are hanging out with a beautiful, eighteen year old girl who is into you, into partying, and likes football.
Me: Yup.
Dave: And you won't fuck her or date her because you think that would be immature.
Me: Yup.
Dave: And you're the same guy who not six months ago received a blowjob in this bar.
Me: Well, I mean, she didn't finish.
Lefty: No, she did. You didn't.
Dave: Regardless, Nate is now the biggest chump I know.
Lefty: Congratulations, dude. I held that title for a few months.
Dave: Years.
Lefty: Whatever.
Lefty: So what? Are you trying to grow up or something?
Me: Little by little.
Dave: Quit talking about your dick, chump.
Me: Fuck a dead squirrel.
Lefty: Well? that's an interesting comeback.
Jimbo: You ever wonder what happens to all the food that decomposes?
Me: It ends up as matter in some way, shape or form.
Jimbo: But don't we all?
Me: Don't we all what?
Jimbo: Matter. Don't we all matter?
Me: How stoned are you right now?
Jimbo: Very.
Stoner Chick: You know, being a bartender is really touchy.
Me: Huh?
Stoner Chick: There's always guys touching you.
Me: Does that bother you?
Stoner Chick: It used to bother me all the time, but now it only bothers me when ugly guys do it.
Me: Why's that?
Stoner Chick: I mean, umm, if the guys are gonna touch me anyways, I'd rather it be the cute ones that do.
Me: There's something wrong with that logic, I'm sure of it. Yet, I find myself agreeing with you so I'm letting that slide.
Stoner Chick: You're a dork.
Me: How's that thing work?
Charlie: I turn it on and I operate it.
Me: How do you do that?
Charlie: You're not playing with my plane.
Me: You suck.
Labels: snippets
11 Comments
I was there for that bar BJ. Does that matter?
Court, I'll never forget the look on your face as you--mid sentence, mind you--realized I was getting head while you talked to me. You had your hand on my shoulder and you said, "I was... touching you. I was touching you while you were getting head. That's disgusting." Maybe not the funniest moment you and I ever shared, but definitely up there.
um how did you get a blow job at a bar?
Annette, it was pretty easy on my end. I just stood there.
That is, absolutely, the best thing I've heard all day, it only got better after reading about Court's contribution and this was all right after imagining someone like Nate trying to fly a plane. Ah, its the little things in life that remind me that life is good...decent...a contribution to my alcoholism.
ok, i get that part, but where were you that you guys didnt get tossed out for indecent exposure? I must know so that I can get my guy when we go out, I just hope it doesnt involve crawling under a table.
Hey Nate, i'm right there with Annette. I too must know so i can get my husband when we go out, just to spice things up.
All right, I'm not gonna name the bar. But I will say that it's a USF tradition since 1977. Also, the place was dead. I prolly didn't get tossed for indecent exposure because I have spent at least a teacher's annual slary in that place in the last few years and the bartendress that night knows me pretty well. Annette, it did not involve crawling under a table. Then-Girlfriend just went under the bar.
Nathan:
You're right, you ain't a chump. Oldest adage there is from the unwritten man laws: half your age, plus 7. That is when they are eligible to become your cum recipticle. Not before. Never forget this. For it is the turth.
-Kev
damn, I can't spell.
Shes 18 and hot?
fuck her man
easy choice for the teenager lol
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