There I would be, the very first day of prison. I'm nervous and excited. Will I make friends? What if the other guys make fun of me? Will the food be good? Will my parents remember to pick me up when I leave?

I step out of the bus slowly, searched for the second time that day, and then the warden comes out and intimidates us. Read More »

EXT - CALIFORNIA - NIGHT

A rented Lamborghini speeds down a Los Angeles street. In the car are Chris Brown and Rihanna.

CHRIS BROWN: "You ready for me to give you that massage when we get home, sweetheart?"

RIHANNA: "You bet, baby." Read More »

Everywhere, everyone is high-fiving, all the time. All the jocks and popular kids who used to make fun of you in high school are all in a room somewhere right now, high-fiving each other. Someone is high-fiving someone else on top of Mount Everest right now. And they're both naked. Read More »

Plus, Equality: Does It Mean We're All the Same Now? A Dissertation on the Recent Presidential Inauguration and Its Implications For America's African-Americans Read More »

By Mable Eleanor Hershwire

Now if my memory serves me correctly (which it usually doesn't at this age), it was about two weeks ago I went to the doctor complaining of "glaucoma-like pain."

My doctor, a handsome, young 53-year-old boy, listened intently to my symptoms (oh Gosh I go on sometimes!) and he suggested giving medical marijuana a try. Read More »

Hey, remember when we had sex a while back? That was sweet, right? We never called each other again and it was awkward whenever we happened to bump into each other somewhere. Read More »

A Treatise on Race Relations in America and a Reflection on Its Current Hypocrisies

On the days after the most important election of our lives, I am still reminded and inspired by what this great country is capable of. We have just, as a people, come together and voted a black man to be in the most exclusive and powerful club in the world, the Presidents of the United States of America. Read More »

(Written under the character of an aspiring female porn star)

Hello Mother, Hello Father! Read More »

I know we're not on speaking terms right now, but I'd like to apologize to you for my actions the other night. I let the whole orgy down, and I understand a few people are still in the hospital. Read More »

TO: willsmith@hollywoodstaragency.com
FROM: carlton@freeemail.com
SUBJECT: HAY MAN IT'S ME CARLTON WHAT'S GOING ON OH SHIT I THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO TYPE THE MESSAGE IN THE BOX BELOW NOT THIS SUBJECT BOX! Read More »

Hey lil' buddy, how ya doin? Oh, you're bleeding out of your ears? Your left ball is attached by three stitches?

Bummer. Read More »

How are you? Just kidding.

Let's cut the fucking bullshit: I fucking hate cavities more than anything in the world. And I will not rest or die until every cavity is gone from the face of this Earth.

Oh, hello, I'm a dentist. Read More »

"Life is Wonderful"
By Ron Jeremy

Hello, hello! I understand you are going through a rough time right now. And you will go through many rough times in the future, I'm sure. I've been through rough times, too. I know how to get through them. Read More »

Hey black people. What up?

Listen, I'm at my wit's end here. Please, I'm begging you, stay out of my dreams and nightmares. I've asked you time and time again, but for some reason you will not listen. I've gone up to some of you on the street and asked you sternly to exit my dreams immediately. And to make it snappy. I told you to pass the word on to the rest of your black brethren. Read More »

As I was walking through the University Center today, I walked past two strollers, unguarded, outside of the university store.

I thought to myself...I could steal those babies.

I could steal those babies and we could go play in the sunshine and dance together and have a picnic and make fun of each other and all the other things friends do (...right?). Read More »