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Clearing Your (Sexual) History

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Clearing Your (Sexual) History
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Ask Nicole


 By staff writer Nicole McKaig



November 21, 2003

 


Dear Nicole,



I recently fell for a girl I met over the summer. I thought things were going well, but her attitude made a drastic change when someone told her of the frequency
of my casual sex hook-ups (less than once a week, probably only three times a month). In all honesty, without these casual outlets for sexual tension I would most
likely just be trying to get in her pants rather than pursuing the patient, gentlemanly course I have been taking with her. Is there anything I can do to let her
know that she means more to me than sex?



-Sad in East Lansing

 
Dear Sad,



The development of postmodern western civilization has been a real kick in the teeth for guys like you. Everything is more complicated now that women can
participate in representative democracy, receive formal education, and express critical independent thought.



Unfortunately for you, girls now know that the Blueballs Argument is total bullshit, and that having testicles doesn’t give guys a license to commit random
acts of assholery. One way I’d suggest showing her she means more to you than sex is to stop nailing other chicks. And clear your search history.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 
 
Dear Nicole,



What is the best position for having sex? Help!



-Curious

 
Dear Curious,


I’m sorry, there are no entry-level positions available at this time. Your question will be kept on file for three months.



Sincerely,

Nicole

 

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