I've amended my decision, everyone. I submit to you, the good people of Points in Case Land, that I, Nick Moose, would now Read More »

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, "The first woman was created from the rib of a man. She was not made from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal to him."

It gives one pause to think, "What would Holmes have said of the McRib sandwich?" Read More »

Okay, by the time this is published, I don't even know if my ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan will be in jail or not. It's hard to keep up with her incarceration schedule. But I just have something to say to the good city of Los Angeles California: Guys, let me take care of her. Read More »

Before I get into the meat of this column, I'd just like to quell the big rumor that's been flying around regarding my disappearance and extended absence from PIC. Read More »

A lot of rabid Mooseheads out there assume that because I spend a great deal of time watching movies that prominently feature exploding-headed Nazi zombies and topless vampire prostitutes that I, their favorite columnist, may in fact be "Mr. Halloween" himself. Read More »

De Palma ripping off Hitchcock was bad enough, but now an even greater cinematic sin has been committed. That's right folks, the guy who's directing Aliens in the Attic is stealing from the guy who directed Ghoulies. Read More »

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, look what you've done. I'm out of the picture for a year or so and you run off and start making ABC Family original movies?! What were you thinking!? And for that matter what were THEY thinking? Read More »

Okay you wisenheimers, I wasn't asking you, "Should Nick Moose reproduce?" This isn't a poll. I will thank you not to post responses like "No" or, "Certainly not if he's planning on using my ovaries."

What I meant was more like, "What kind of a dad do you suppose he would be, should Nick Moose reproduce?" Read More »

Did you know that the word on the street is that some folks don't think of me as a "topical" columnist?

Well I take great offense to this. After all, "topical" has two meanings people. One needs only to glance at its Wikipedia entry. Its medical definition, to paraphrase, is "something that's applied to body surfaces such as the vagina." (Which, I swear to god, I have been.) Read More »

Every man needs to sit through a "date movie" every now and again.  Of course when I say "date movie" I certainly don't mean the movie Date Movie itself, or Dance Movie, or Scary Movie, or any move with the word "movie" in the title or that may possibly feature any number of Wayans Brothers. Read More »

I know you must be worried—it's been about 14 hundred months now and there's been nary a peep from yours truly, celebrated and sexually attractive columnist, Nicholas Kabat Moose.You're probably saying, "What the FUCK! Read More »

Welcome, freshmen!

Yes, I know that's the name of an abysmal early 90's Nickelodeon show, but you couldn't possibly, because most of you just got done being fetuses when it was on. But that's okay! You didn't miss much. (If anything you should be more upset about missing out on Hey Dude!, which featured a young Christine Taylor. Yum!) Read More »

The term dork actually means whale penis, and though I do have a whale penis, I don't consider myself to be dork.

But that doesn't stop me from being a dork sympathizer, and yes, a comic book fan. Read More »

Okay, I confess, I watched The American Mall, but I didn't enjoy myself. Read More »

Way the hell back a long time ago, a lot of people never even thought about having sex with their video game systems (and by "a lot of people" I most certainly don't mean me. Just ask my strangely moist Atari 2600). Read More »