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Hola! I'm writing to you from Barcelona, Spain...one of the premier
party capitals of the world. There's just something about this city
that makes you want to party no matter what; despite the jet lag,
the previous ten hours spent on a plane, the pimple that developed
somewhere over the Atlantic, and the lack of shower, you're always
still able to get amped to go out. Maybe it's because you know
somewhere out there a bunch of guys with accents are waiting (every
girls weakness), or maybe it's because after a few glasses of
sangria, a shot or two of Absolut, and five or so beers, you know
you won't give a fuck how tired you are—all you'll want to do is
dance.
Regardless which bar or club you
choose for the evening, you're pretty much guaranteed a sweet time.
Choices range from Euro-trash techno, to hip-hop, to best of the
80's and so on. Sure, the clubs can be a little hot, but sometimes
it's that sweaty glisten that makes everyone look sexier. Plus, the
people are more beautiful then Brad and Jen's children would have
been, and the music and alcohol flow through your veins like grade A
heroin in a junkie's first day out of rehab. No matter how drunk you
are though, or how good you're feeling, there are always a few
things the clubs would be better without...
1. Bad dancers: Fun to watch, NOT fun to dance with. Don't
get me wrong, I'm no Shakira, but I can stick to a beat. Some people
should just avoid dance clubs entirely though, including those who
still think the "robot" and the "running man" are actual dance
moves, and those who use invitations to dance as an excuse to rub
their concealed, yet unbearably obvious, boner all over you (that
includes you, Swedish guy in the blue Lacoste shirt at La Ramblas
last night).
2. Any drink costing over ten Euros/dollars: Unless I'm
getting a glass of Cristal, I'm not going to pay the equivalent of a
plane ticket to Ibiza (I kid you not) for a screwdriver. My friend
and I discovered that if we pooled together all of our money for
drinks, it could either a) buy one fancy drunk night out in Spain or
b) buy us enough Coors Light to last us our next three years in
college.
3. People who can't speak
English (and American guys): Please don't take it personally. I
am a HUGE fan of American guys. However, while I'm in Barcelona,
that's not who I'm going for (nor are any of the other American
girls I've met here). We love you boys but if we wanted to pick one
of you up at a bar we wouldn't have flown thousands of miles away to
do it. As for people who can't speak English, I'm sure anyone who
has traveled to a foreign country has experienced this. First, you
spend the whole night looking for the man or woman of your dreams.
Then you spot them from across the room and casually make your way
over. After a brief exchange of "hello's," you realize your foreign
masterpiece has a hot Italian accent. You then proceed to try to
make conversation with this person and out comes the vocabulary of a
5-year-old prostitute. This being said, if this person CAN manage to
say more than a few words in English, the foreign accents are worth
every awkward stumble. I recommend you American boys learn how to
fake 'em—trust me, I promise you'll get more girls than the
Backstreet Boys at a bar mitzvah.
While it would be wonderful if all these things were eliminated from
the party scene, it certainly does not seem like it will happen in
the near future. So bring your vodka in a water bottle, avoid guys
with a creepy stare, make sure they can speak more than a couple
words of English, and drink 'til you black out so you don't remember
the rest. Enjoy.
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