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Kyle: Well, no one's leaving yet.
Rob: Guess we'll have to pull the fire alarm to get everyone out. Why do we have to be the responsible ones all the time?
-On sparking a movement
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So You've Just Killed a Prostitute
If you're reading this sentence, you've just killed a prostitute. No worries! Luckily for you, we have compiled this helpful packet you should peruse every time you kill a prostitute.
First things first: Don't panic. Everything's going to be all right. Just be thankful nobody got hurt.
Breathe in, breathe out. Be thankful you're alive and that you can take the life of prostitutes in a gruesome sex act. Life is wonderful, ain't it?
Hey, you know what makes me really happy? Killing prostitutes! It's a stress reliever. Which brings us to the second point: Everybody kills prostitutes. Even Jesus killed a couple prostitutes for not being amazed by his penis miracles. You'd be surprised how many prostitutes are killed every day. I hear it's alot!
Point number 3: It's not illegal. Killing a prostitute is like burning an ant with a magnifying glass: sure, something's dying, but it's so microscopic (either literally or in society) that it's not a crime. The only difference is you usually don't give ants $33.50 to look the other way while you sperm on them.
Killing a prostitute is a victimless sport. Rainy day? Choke a hooker. Bored of your kids? Go out and cut a prostitute up with some garden shears. Gas prices getting you down? Have a laugh while you stick your foot in a prostitute's mouth until she dies. Oh, and stop driving that SUV. Donnnnnnnnnnnn't think that gets too good gas mileage. But what do I know?! I'm just a professional prostitute killing expert.
Some people call prostitutes "Gods Only Mistake". Some people call them "The Devil In No Clothing". Some people call them for a quick shitjob in a hotel bathtub. No matter what you call them, they're all the same: dead.
Prostitutes are God's renewable resource. They need to be recycled. So do Earth a favor AND help slow global warming - kill a prostitute today.
(If you've already killed one today, kill one tomorrow.)
Remember - If you don't kill a prostitute....who will?
Who will?
Brought to you by Johnson & Johnson's No Tears Baby Shampoo
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With every new article you write you just keep amazing me on how messed up you are.
It's incredibly funny, so do keep it up please!
As a prostitute, its sickos and fuckwits like you that make our job even more dangerous than what it should be! You have never written anything even somewhat amusing, and this sort of thing doesn't help your case.
I am genuinely envious of your diverse audience at this point, Frank.
You're a fucking idiot. Learn to take a joke and get whatever is in your ass out of it. Oh wait, you're being paid to have it in your ass. I guess you have to just live with it.
Prevent AIDS, crucify the whore. It's sickos and fuckwits like you that spread those terrible things we call "sexually transmitted diseases." Ever heard of them? Your job should be dangerous, you should all die. You're morally empty, and you're disgusting.
mothafuck i kill you bitch hate you sellingyour body for three bucks i hope your fixed bitch
As a prostitute you are waste of fucking space get a real job, i'm glad i kill at least one of you bitches a day! :D
Dude, you've been on a roll lately. Hopefully whatever you're taking doesn't run out.
As the prostitute that commented earlier- don't worry Mr Sullivan, we love your stuff a LOT more
Thank you. By "we" I take it you're speaking for all prostitutes? I have been known to bring sexy back.
The endorsement at the end completed it perfectly.
You're a douchebag. It's your stigmatization of sex workers that propagates the violence thousands of women experience everyday. Good thing your mommy wasn't born into poverty in Europe and had two options- prostitution or destitution, who knows where your sorry ass would be now.
Shut the fuck up. Me writing one article on a comedy site doesn't do shit, you're ruining the fun of others by blowing something out of proportion, and equating me to something that no one person is responsible for or can stop is complete bullshit.
Plus, those women that "experience violence everday" should've made dinner on time.
your all idiots....
paul your so alone and have nothing better to do so you come up with this shit that really noone gives a flying fuck about for fun maybe you should consider going out and getting yourself a prostitute cause it seems like you need something to give your pathetic existence some meaning and anonymous why keep writing hes a fool and probably feeds on you hating him so much so just dont give him the satisfaction of knowing that he bothers you.Hes not worth it.All you can do is hope that one day someone will come along and wipe his pathetic existence out if for no other reason just because that person feels that his life is also worthless.hes the most ignorant generic type of person out there n there are loads more where that came from hes just lucky that hes not so brain dead he can actually manage to string a few sentences together so well done paul for that.
Uhh...I'm just trying to make people laugh and do what makes me happy, which is write comedy. Sometimes it's offensive, but I don't write to offend.
So, what you're saying is that the value on the life of a prostitute (someone who spreads disease and will do anything with anyone for enough money to afford just a little more heroin or crack) is worth more than the life of a comedian? I suppose you worship rapists and child molesters as well? Damn the fire department for saving the lives of people when they could be out murdering babies right? I hate your kind. With all of my soul I hate your kind.
Wait, what? He's the idiot who can barely put together a sentence when you're the one who can't spell? Let alone use
proper punctuation? Did I miss something? There's this lovely thing called the comma, try using them sometimes. I find they make you look less like an illiterate troglodyte and more like someone capable of intelligent thought.
Also, do you know what humor is? Satire? You seem awfully self-righteous for someone who can't get a joke. Please stop spewing your special brand of stupidity on the Internet, nobody here cares for it.
Doesn't look like you string sentences together very well, either.
Also, hell yeah, put a 7.62 through every prostitute you see.
Mr Frank, any objections on if I publicize your blog in coordination with this news article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/17/massachusetts.killing.craigslist/ind... ?
I think it would be a great idea to watch the general publics reaction to your blog with this article.
Dmitri Navroska,
Founder,
HEMA (Hookers, Escorts, and Masseurs Association)
I can't believe all of the bad comments that you've received for this! I did a search hoping to find a list of people that have killed prostitutes, instead, I come across this gem! Most excellent. In fact, I think I'm going to copy this and show all of my friends. I'll make sure to link you and give you full credit. Great work dude.
Beautifully Tasteless.
And bonus points for coaxing out the lunatics too..
I dont think anonymous has ever seen Chris Morris's Brass Special on Paedophiles...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcnQDYnGtS8
let the righteous indignation begin....
Excellent. This will show the world that all immoral undesirables, such as harlots, deserve to be punished with the infinitesimal price:
The Death Penalty!
Absolutely brilliant. I love it. Anyone that can't take this for what it really is (a joke, and a hilarious one, at that,) should just go ahead and rid the world of their pestilence. They don't deserve to breath my air. But hey, I guess there's always gonna be someone that cries foul over stuff like this. In a world of growing stupidity, common sense becomes an uncommon virtue. There is not a single doubt in my mind that, had this article been about killing a rapist or child molester, some jack off would be whining about how rapists and pedophiles are people too, and they deserve to live and breath and go about their business doing such horrible things....
you should be arrested! Many people have lost loved family members from heartless sociopaths who rationalize that prostitutes are no longer human! You are disgusting, and every single person in here who even laughed at that will get theirs! Jesus didn't kill prostitutes, he helped them! Jesus saw what all of you wrote! We will all be judged! Have a nice eternity sociopaths!
What is also sad is how many of you REALLY have thought about killing prostitutes, if not REALLY have killed them! Normal people do NOT find this kind of thing humerous! I sincerely wish I could break into every one of your homes to look for traces of evidence that your foul asses keep as treasures! YOU SHOULD ALL BE WATCHED BY THE GOVERNMENT! DISGUSTING ASS MEN!!!!! WHO COULD NEVER EVEN GET TO KNOW A PROSTITUTE FOR FREE B/C SHE'D NEVER GIVE YOU THE TIME OF DAY FOR SHIT! YOU ALL ARE PATHETIC CREATURES WHO SHOULD BE DISMEMBERED AND PUT BEHIND BARS FOR THE REMAINIG TIME OF YOUR LIFE! FUCK YOU ALL! PAUL FRANK YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A SERIAL KILLER TOO! I WOULD NOT BE SUPRISED IF YOU MAKE HEADLINE NEWS IN THE NEAR FUTURE FOR KILLING PROSTITUTES! YOU ARE EITHER THE DUMBEST LITTLE BOY EVER AND REALLY THINK THIS SHIT IS "just funny" OR YOU ARE ACTUALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS. I THINK IT'S THE SECOND CHOICE. HOWEVER, SINCE YOUR MOST LIKELY A SOCIOPATH ALL I'M DOING IS FURTHERING YOUR RAGE! I FEEL SORRY FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND THIS WHOLE FAN CLUB! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT LOVE IS BECAUSE YOU ALL DON'T FEEL SHIT! AGAIN HAVE A NICE ETERNITY I DON'T THINK HELL IS GOING TO BE A PARTY! WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND AND I ASSURE YOU, YOU WILL ALLLLLL GET YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never was attracted to the idea of a prostitute.
I find sitting back and listening to classic rock.
Yeah, so what, I like to listen to relaxing music, so what, did I tell you I also enjoy listening to the sound of babies bones cracking under my teeth...
To the ppl w/o humor on here has it ever occurred to you that perhaps most of the ppl laughing have respect for all people (I definitely do) but just came here for a laugh.
My advice to you would be the following
1: Stop feeling bad about yourself
2: Get a fukkin sense of humor.
This article is what I totally agree. Prostitutes are nothing more then ants, and they are ants. There are girls with low self esteem, no one did any thing for them because they did nothing, they probably skipped or dropped out of school so they can't get the future and there obviously selfish and think for them self's. But a prostitute killed by one person is not enough, we should tell the government to make death squads to destroy and end prostitution once and for all, and fellow prostitutes, I know it's there job to get fucked by every penis on earth, then they start using drugs to fill the emptiness in side them, then they start crying on how bad their life is because they can't do shit, then find out you there pregnant and they don't know who they had sex with, then they try to find an abortionist but they can't find one because the aren't any, then they give birth to a child with no known father, and they abuse there own child just like they were, then there child becomes a prostitute like them. The thing is that every country should make prostitution illegal, there no good nor there use full either.
I for one think these disgusting cunts need to be exterminated once and for all.
Prostitution is wrong. A person shouldn't be paid for sex.
On a less serious note:
I killed 100 prostitutes last hour on GTA!
I'm not an angry prostitute supporter, Paul. I just thought I'd express the opinion that this really wasn't that funny or creative. I was jubilous that google returned entries for my search of "I just killed a prostitute". But this subsequently let me down. I even read it twice in case I missed the humor. It turns out I didn't. If this is you on "a roll" I cringe to think of your off-days. Nothing's worse than being an unfunny comedian. For the sake of humor, don't slice into sore subjects with an impotent blade.
Constructively,
Dan
Actually, I thought it was humorous... but then i do drink.
in truth i have to say i was let down that when I goggled "I just killed a prostitute" i was looking for something a little more useful... like the easiest way to get the body out of your hotel room so you don't pay the cleaning fee or how to get the blood off your shirt so your wife doesn't find out your a cheating hooker killing louse.
And for clarification to the author, it may not be illegal to kill a prostitute, but hiring one IS ILLEGAL! And I don't need another $250 fine.
@writer: One day you will be judged for what you have partaken in. You will rue this day.
@hooker: Why would you choose to do what you do? You had a choice.
♪ ♫ The best part of waking up... ♫ is a dead whore in your trunk ♪
LMFAO!!!! AGREED KILL PROSTITUTES WASTE OF LIFE FUCKING STD CARRIERS. Sad thing is you kill a prostitute and no one would even care or notice a difference.
Point 4: Everybody wins
1 dead hooker = 1 less person that refuses to contribute to society.
So do your community a huge favor and purge your city of every single hooker. Every. single. one. Leave none alive.
What do you call six hundred dead prostitutes? A good start.
Do you have any good disposal tips? Sure killing prostitutes is fun but I find the tedious task of ridding myself of their semen soaked corpses a major downer.
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