Candied Questions

1. My favorite candy are those soft but sorta crunchy dinner mints you get in the bowl at the front of nice restaurants (they're sorta rounded squares). So, i'm not sure what holiday you get those except maybe... Secretary's Day?

2A. A friend of mine was reading Donald Trump's "How to Get Rich" so I borrowed it for about half an hour and read what felt like half the book in that time. That's how much it dumbed stuff down and catered to simpletons just looking for some cheap motivation. His advice often didn't make sense and several times even contradicted itself. WORST MAN/BOOK EVER.

2B. Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I've enjoyed other books more, but on a general recommendation level, I can't think of many people who wouldn't get something out of that one.

3. When she proclaims it so.

4. This semi-acquaintance girl lured me and a few of my bros back to her house after a club one time with the promise of alcohol and other female friends for them. Really she just wanted to hook up with me, but I was having trouble justifying this potential hookup to myself. I had never been so aggressively pursued (still haven't since then) so i was getting worried i would get talked into it. Anyway, my friends brought weed, and even though i don't smoke that often, i got AS FUCKING HIGH AS POSSIBLE on her couch to ensure i wouldn't be able to function. I passed out cold on the couch and woke up to her cooking bacon in the morning. Yes, my friends had abandoned me the night before.

1. I don't like easter candy. I don't like christmas candy, and I don't like Santa Claus candy either. I always get chocolate figures. I usually make muffins or cookies out of them.
(Santa comes on the 6th of december over here, little Jesus is working on xmas. Double those presents :) )

2.A I'm gonna get some serious crap because of this, but I can't force myself to finish 'On the Road' by Kerouac. I can't even find the words to tell how much it bores me.
2.B. The Metamorphosis by Kafka was pretty good, but I love so many books it's hard to choose.

3. Meeting the parents. Definitely. Having the other one's toothbrush, boxers and some other stuff at my place can be simple convenience.

4. Never happened. I've been in a relationship for the past six years so not too many hook-ups for me. None, to be exact. Yeah, it can be a bit boring sometimes.

I'll have to type tawuneh for the security question and I just typed ufukiq for another one. Is it just me, or these words really do sound insulting? :D

1. Oh Casey, I am a bit disappointed to say the least. To reduce Halloween candy to just candy corns is not even remotely in the realm of fair. (he screams "FOUL" out loud) Halloween is a free for all when it comes to candy and thus is by far the superior holiday for sugary goodness. Virtually ALL Easter candy is supplied at Halloween, peeps come as ghosts, marshmallow eggs come as pumpkins. etc. etc. Easter is the eunuch of all holidays claiming to be a symbol of fertility and spring time frolicking (eggs and bunnies represent fertility and sex) yet possessing about as much sexual energy as time in church at the ass crack of dawn. You dare me to disagree with you? I dare you to tell me honestly or anyone else on this site that you would rather go to church in the morning and eat candy later in the day passed out by a large fictitious plushy bunny. Contrast that with going out on the night that begs every woman to dress as sexy and slutty as possible and ALSO receive ANY candy imaginable. That my friend is the definition of "Sweet". Specific candy or any and every candy possible? Alter boys and plushy bunnies or every single woman in every single costume imaginable preceded by the prefix "slutty-"??? i.e. slutty-witch, slutty-nurse, slutty-pirate, slutty-you get the point.
I dare YOU to disagree with ME. ;-)

2. Worst-The Bible (it just isn't well written and reading it is like getting a root canal. Sure you will probably benefit from it but you would much rather be doing just about anything else.
Best-You Just Don't Understand by Deborah Tannen, a book about how women and men communicate differently. I think it is a must read unless of course you are a eunuch. The amount of "HOLY SHIT THAT IS WHY THEY DO THAT!?!?!" moments in that book for either gender make it something everyone should read at least once every few years just to remind yourself that the other gender isn't completely off their nut. (because it is easy to forget that they aren't, am I wrong?)

3. When you both actually sit down and talk about it. This is a dangerous thing to assume.

4. I wasn't cut off, everything is still where it should be. One should always remove all cutlery from the place before hand. Did Lorena Bobbit not teach us anything? It takes nine and a half hours for reattachment surgery and only seconds to raid the kitchen of anything sharp. Statistics to live by.

(no eunuchs were harmed in this ridiculously long post by a person who should never ever be taken seriously. Although on a serious note any harm done to a eunuch really is irrelevant given what they already went through.)

4. While on vacation, I ran into two old (as in, 6th grade) friends at a bar. They looked a lot alike, except one was hot and the other wasn't. After a few more drinks, we walked back to the hotel that we all happened to be staying at. I was bringing the hot one back to my room, but at some point they pulled a switch on me and I didn't notice. We made out for a while, and then I realized I was with the ugly one and kicked her out.

Am I a jerk? Maybe, but I definitely wasn't gonna hit that.

1. Cadbury Creme Eggs, hands down. Even though I can only get halfway through one before my cavities start screaming in agony.

2A. Gregory Maguire's shit. I don't know what I was thinking.
2B. The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson.

I once read like 8 pages of a Jane Austen novel. Those 8 pages contained enough suck just in themselves that if you spread it out over the whole rest of the book it would still be the worst book ever. Most recommended book? Either Hitchhiker's or Infinite Jest or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

1.) I have a great disdain for peeps and jelly beans. Blah sick nasty gross. It's my firm belief though that the Little Debbie christmas tree cakes are also so much better than zebra or other imitation cakes. I realize they are essentially the same thing, but there is a difference man....there's a difference. Not candy but you get my drift.

2A.) Every single Jane Austen book ever written ever. As a female I feel as though I have to like her because it's one of the rules of having a vagina. It goes along with doing laundry, making sandwiches etc. But I don't like hearing about engagements via Facebook and I really don't like hearing about them in ye olde english.

Also, A Catcher in the Rye. I guess I missed that phase where this is suppose to change my life and I'm suppose to become cyncial at the loss of innocence in the world and cry about it to some hookers. Snooze. Next please.

2B.) Lawd...Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Helter Skelter, Che, The Rum Diary, Naked Lunch, Choke. Anything Chuck Palahniuk for that matter.

3) The last relationship I was in, we were at a bar-some guy was hitting on me-boy person intervened-said hitter asked if he was my boyfriend. Boy person said yes, I said no which lead to the discussion and he officially asked me to be his. Junior high drunk style straight up.

4) Cried. No one wants to deal with the drunk emotional girl...not even me.

1. Starburst Jellybeans are crack of the candy world. Peeps are also awesome because you can put them in the microwave with toothpicks and they will sword fight.

2a. You don't like Lovecraft? That breaks my heart. The worst book I've tried to read was probably A Conn. Yankee in King Arthur's Court.

2b. Battle Royale by Koshun Takami. It's about 40 high school kids who are put on an island and told to fight to the death. So awesome.

3. I'm like Court, I just wait to be told I'm in a relationship.

4. One time a former girlfriend of mine asked me to go back to her place and because I was black out drunk I told her I was in a relationship with someone who was not as fat as she was. I woke up the next day with a message informing me I was now single.

1. Nothing in particular

2A. I had to Pride and Prejudice and Little Women in high school. They were so terrible I tried to kill myself just so I wouldn't have to finish reading them.

2B. Anything by Kurt Vonnegut really.

3. I basically wait until she tells me that we're together.

4. Two days ago I was in a club in Dublin smashed off my face. This one ugly-ass girl came up to me and essentially raped me on the dance floor. She had a death-grip on my ass (literally, on my ass), and would not release me. I ended up yelling for help as one of my friends passed by, and escaped with him.

1. Cadbury Creme eggs and Starburst jelly beans ftw.
2. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Christ I'd rather slam my dick in the oven.
3. And Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris. Or Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss.
4. I was hanging out with my friend in the print studio at our school a ways back, and there was this frumpy looking girl there who offered to give me a blowjob in a darkroom. I was high and therefore discarded whatever I was working on and followed her. We started making out, then she told me that she actually really liked me and didnt want to give me a blowjob, but that she wanted to date. I proceeded to scream, "LIES!" directly into her face and left.

1. I like christmas tree peanut butter cups.

2A. For Whom The Bell Tolls. I hate Hemmingway.
2B. Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk. It's smart, dirty, funny, sweet, creepy, all in one go.

3. When are you and your significant other officially in a relationship? It's when you're driving somewhere together in awkward silence and someone says "uh, so are you my significant other or....?" It's something thats gotta be discussed, and it's even better if it's slightly embarrassing.

4. I realized the object of my affection had a girlfriend. Yeah, it sucked. I went up to her, said "hi, my name is kathryn. I'm sleeping with your boyfriend. Would you like me to stop?" and then I stopped.