Codie Leiker

School

University of Nebraska - Omaha

Class of

2009

Hometown

Glenwood, IA

At a Glance

Codie Leiker writes funny things sometimes. When she is not writing those funny things, she is definitely not writing sappy poetry on personalized stationary with a Bic pen that has a feather taped on the end of it because that's for pussies. You can typically find her wandering the Loess Hills, watching anything involving a Real Housewife, and drooling over Abraham Lincoln's Wikipedia page. Yeah, she's kind of retarded.

Bio

For charity work, Codie enjoys puppeteering for under-privileged children on the dangers of asbestos, fornication, and the misuse of possessive pronouns. When she is not telling the world how it is, you can find her flirting with old men at her local VFW.

Column




Absurdly witty tales of Midwest life from a lady with a penchant for pop culture references, boxed wine, and Star Wars-nights in her Forever Lazy.

The Worst Kisser on the Planet

The first time I kissed Jake it was a bad idea. He was funny and nice , but kissing him led to the most painful word any girl could ever hear from a boy ever: "OUCH."
Jul 17, 2014

7 Reasons Why Babies are the Worst (From a Mom)

Even though I gave birth to this thing, I still very much dislike babies. So before you consider littering this world with your awful spawn, here's exactly why you'll regret it.
Jul 4, 2014

My First Time Shoplifting

I once finished out the second half of a soccer tournament in a stolen thong from Target. I'd never stolen anything in my life—anything with a price tag, that is.
Feb 22, 2013

Codie's Super Important Guide to Becoming an Adult Person

I didn’t necessarily consider myself an adult when I walked onto that college campus, though I was far from a child. You could say I am a late bloomer.
Dec 28, 2012

How Childbirth Confers Wisdom Upon Mothers

Moms think they know everything, just because they pushed a creature out from between their thighs and stamped a name on it.
Oct 5, 2012

My First Day at Fat Camp

My biggest fear of fat camp was not getting a lunch, an occurrence that I had to witness daily at the Jillian Michaels' Center for Kids Who Eat Too Damn Much.
Sep 25, 2012

How to Lose a Girl in 10 Minutes

I've become quite an expert in the field of Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very, Very Bad Dates. Here's a list from my wonderful experiences to aid you all in this lovely world.
Aug 6, 2012

50 Things You Should Read That Are Not 50 Shades of Grey

Because I think the spread of knowledge is integral to a growing and thriving human race, I have compiled a list of 50 things you should read that are not "50 Shades of Grey."
Jul 19, 2012

Things I've Learned From Men Who've Dumped Me

Despite my affinity for getting drunk and watching Perry Mason when I get off work, I get dumped, a lot. I date idiots, a lot. I have life lessons to share, too!
Jun 20, 2012

Beyond Vaginas and Sarlaccs: Defining My Star Wars Love

At the impasse between dirty-minded average Jane and impassioned wannabe Jedi master, I volley from one side to the other, desiring both yet never feeling content in either.
Jun 13, 2012

What Women Learn From Lifetime TV

I have watched more made-for-TV movies revolving around domestic abuse, teenage pregnancies, extramarital affairs, and murderous jealous rampages than I care to admit.
May 30, 2012

You're All I Ever Wanted, Baby

Among the many re-enactments my sisters and I would stage hourly, putting on concerts for the public was foremost. But that ended abruptly when we discovered boy bands.
May 10, 2012

Diet: Day Zero

"Less alcohol, more water." I had written that on an index card when I was taking quick notes for my new and improved lifestyle. Looking over it now, my heart sinks a little.
May 1, 2012

Stop Talking About the Weather

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, the weather may have mattered, like when we had to migrate with our food in order to eat. Now it's just you whining about your BBQ being ruined.
Apr 11, 2012

Close Encounters with Billy the Exterminator

None of reality TV's train wrecks compare to Billy the Exterminator, the greatest gift to the genre since Brigitte Nielsen tongued Gollum Flava Flav. So I had to see him in person.
Apr 5, 2012

When I Grow Up, I Want to be Just Like You, Tina Fey

The similarities between the funny lady and me are scary. Not to mention the "your mom" jokes, the Star Wars references, and the wide-set breasts.
Mar 29, 2012

Faking It in the World of Comics

I unabashedly and almost always change the subject from whatever I'm not understanding to Star Wars. That's pretty much how I approach any comic illiteracy.
Mar 22, 2012

Vote or Die, Really?

Should we keep chugging along with our leaders, but make more "adult" decisions? Should we declare war amongst ourselves and kill one another? Should we even vote?
Mar 14, 2012