Martin Stanley


Kennesaw State University

Class of



Fayetteville, GA

At a Glance

I spent 4 years in the Marine Corp and am now back in college, kinda. I'm on the 12-year program, I like to take my time with these things. Fuck it, my wife has a Master's so I'll just buy her Bachelor's since she's done with it.

Comedy Articles

I'm on a Diet (Against Everything I Stand For)
There are three things I really hate in life: making unprotected left hand turns, Dr. Meredith Grey, and diets. But I guess I have to do all three at some point.
Apr 2, 2013

Problems I Should Fix Before She Has Our Baby
You know what? I'm terrified of babies. To me, babies are like grenades: I appreciate grenades, I love grenades…but I'm a little nervous around them.
Oct 3, 2012

Romancing the Bone: A Lonely Love Story
Using the formula "Sex - Contraceptive = Baby," my wife and I began "trying to have a baby." But first, our little science project began with a semen analysis to gauge my potency.
Apr 2, 2012

Why Isn't There Mexican Food Delivery?
If you think about it, Mexican delivery makes the most sense: you're already in loose-fitting clothing and you're already near your favorite bathroom.
Jan 9, 2012

Martin Stanley's State of the Summer Address
I'm back in school. Again. School by the way drives me fucking insane. For instance, who the fuck names these buildings? 'And on the right is the Dennis Anderson Grave Digger Monster Truck Hall.' Oh neato!
Aug 25, 2011

Five Ways to Mess with Your Friends on Facebook, Part II
How far would you go to screw with your friends on Facebook? If you said steal your friend's identity and introduce their grandma to new sexual lingo, you're on the right track.
Jul 21, 2011

The 12 Types of Infantry Marines
Remember the Marines commercial with that asshole climbing mountains and shit, fighting dragons with a sword? Well that's a bunch of horse shit. Here's a look at the 'real' Marines.
May 18, 2011

Half Cuban, 100% White
I'm a halfie - my mother is Cuban and my father is American. I'm not brown, I'm not white… I'm fucking khaki. And it sucks. Here's why.
Feb 28, 2011

Five Ways to Mess with Your Friends on Facebook
There are many creative ways to have a little fun messing with your friends on Facebook. Here are five of my favorites, and the screenshots to prove just how much fun they've already been!
Jan 24, 2011

11 Things We Still Haven't Figured Out Yet (and It's Almost 2011)
Another year gone, and it amazes me how much shit we still haven’t figured out, given all the technology available today. From checkbooks and pizza delivery to cruise control and cell phones.
Dec 22, 2010

10 Things Real Men Do
Real men crap, scratch their balls, belch, and punch things when they get angry. They also fix things, and try to be environmentally friendly, by hardly ever doing a wash.
Nov 16, 2010

The Golden Rules of Facebook
'The most important document to emerge from a computer since The Golden Rules of Instant Messenger.' -Mark Zuckerberg, Founder and CEO of Facebook
Oct 11, 2010

10 Things a Man Should Never, Ever Do
Unless you can prove that you are indeed Dracula's metrosexual grandson, do not pop your collar. Pansies like you disgrace real men.
Sep 15, 2010

11 Groups I'd Like to Start on Facebook, But Never Will
Groups that sum up the little things in life, but I'll never expend the energy to create. Like, 'No matter how stocked the fridge is, I never want to eat anything in it.'
Sep 1, 2010

10 Things Destroying America's Youth
American youths are steadily being eroded into douchebags, techno-geeks, and new age hippies. Here are the worst things chipping away at the next generation.
Aug 19, 2010