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Michael Winston

School: Brock University
Class of: 2009
Hometown: Omicron Persei 8

At a Glance:

I am a huge nerd. But not the smart kind that makes money inventing new internets, the kind that has no friends. Sometimes I see funny things or are involved in ridiculous situations, so I write about them. This is an impressive feat for someone who can't read.

Bio:

Born on a desert planet orbiting two suns. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.

Comedy Articles:


The Painful Reality of Waking Up Hungover on a Work Day
1 comments, 4.6 stars
I wake up to the fifth and final alarm set on my cell phone: 10:45am. I have to be at work in 15 minutes, where the fuck am I and why is there no god?

How to Ruin Music in 12 Easy Steps: Madonna's MDNA Album
4 comments, 3.9 stars
I used to really enjoy listening to music until I heard Madonna's new album "MDNA." Every fucking song on this record sounds the same: terrible.

How NOT to Order at a Sit-Down Restaurant
17 comments, 4.7 stars
If you participate in one or more of the following 8 actions or behaviors, you are a monster, and you are cordially invited to eat fast food for the rest of your pathetic life.

The Uncomfortable Luxury of Fitness Clubs
1 comments, 4.7 stars
I would gladly exercise if it weren't for my burning hatred of physical activity, compounded by the wretchedness of the fitness club environment.

The Stages of Facebook Withdrawal
3 comments, 4.3 stars
They say the first step to recovery is the admission of a problem. Well here it is, and here I am: I am addicted to Facebook. The following are the insurmountable consequences of trying to quit.

Fuck the Kids: Confessions of a Crotchety Codger
9 comments, 4.9 stars
The world around us is going to shit and yet we choose to ignore the sleeping giant that will one day destroy everything we know and love. I am talking about the young people of today, the Internetters.

Canada: Still a Democracy, Barely
31 comments, 4.6 stars
Stephen Harper's majority government has been running Canada for over two weeks now and I’m still using the metric system, so I guess the world didn't really come to an end.

A Blog About Every Topic Bloggable
2 comments, 4.8 stars
I was searching for topics that people usually blog about when I came upon this list. So I decided to blog about everything. Strap yourself in, it’s about to get universal in here.

The #2 Guide to Public Washrooms
5 comments, 4.8 stars
Public washrooms and the wilderness have a lot in common. They are both uncomfortable, scary, and teeming with microorganisms. Luckily, you have toilet paper on your side.

Restaurants are People, Too
4 comments, 4.4 stars
A realistic assessment of you, the asshole customer, from the perspective of the most under-appreciated people in a restaurant, the kitchen staff.

Acceptable Faggotry
15 comments, 4.3 stars
Homosexuality fascinates me. It's right for all the right reasons and only wrong in the eyes of the Lord our Savior, Amen. Unfortunately, being gay is not a choice.

What Points in Case Means to Me
10 comments, 4.6 stars
My name is Michael and although I have only been part of the PIC community for 1/20th of its existence, I already feel like part of the family.

How to Find That Asshole Who's Not on Facebook
8 comments, 4.1 stars
The following is a simple tutorial on how to reconnect with old acquaintances who refuse to participate in our era of rapid digital communication and constant connectivity.

Greatness Thrust Upon Me
5 comments, 4.3 stars
Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone?

Dear Call of Duty: Black Ops, Thank You
21 comments, 4.4 stars
Dear Call of Duty: Black Ops, I have taken this precious time away from PwNz0R1ng N3Wb5 to write these words in the hopes of conveying my enormous appreciation for everything you represent.

I Hope They Don't Show "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" in Hell
7 comments, 4.5 stars
No physical pain or psychological embarrassment can compare to the discomfort and agony caused by watching the worst movie ever made, in my personal pseudo-Hell.

The Worst of Back to School
7 comments, 4.4 stars
By the beginning of the fall semester, or 'cunting season,' the prospect of going out on a Friday night seems like a chore. Eventually, everyone plays right in to their stereotype.

The Glory of King Tut
4 comments, 4.4 stars
Arbitrary waiting has become my drug. I feed my addiction by going to grocery stores and lining up without anything to purchase. Sometimes when I'm really hurting I go and camp out for the next Harry Potter movie.

Habitat for Inhumanity
8 comments, 4.1 stars
I don't claim to be the cleanest person on the block, but I do believe in a basic minimum inalienable standard of acceptable human living conditions. And Shanty Town doesn't qualify.

How to Be the Worst Drive-Thru Customer Ever
60 comments, 4.5 stars
I make minimum wage at a dead end job. Part of my job includes interacting with you. This means my job fucking sucks. Here's how you can make it worse.

My Mother's Guide to Moving
10 comments, 4.2 stars
Lesson #5: Once progress has been made, bring any momentum to a halt with breaks, even though you've only been standing for 23 mins and accomplished nothing in that short time.

Which is More Fake, Soccer Injuries or Porno Orgasms?
2 comments, 4.8 stars
Imagine how stupid you would look if you fell on the ground flailing and crying, accusing a guy 20 meters away from you of foul play. The same goes for sex.

College Quotes:


Lady Gaga Ugly

Comments: