In Latin, "cerebellum" means "little brain," but seeing as though something as small as the tip of your dick is more or less the source of all pleasure in the world, being "little" doesn't mean a whole lot. Read More »

The tale of Noah's Ark is as widely known as a story that includes the destruction of all mankind and a 135-meter boat filled with animal poo.  But, like most ancient chronicles of history, its merits are under scrutiny. Read More »

Loud noises, bright lights, and Chingy are just about the worst three things you want to deal with the morning after a rager. Fourth, however, is too many fucking syllables. It seems like after each party night, people have the exact same conversations about girls, drinking, and why their hair tastes like spermicide. Read More »

To truly understand where we are going as partiers, we must understand where we have come from. We must enlighten ourselves with tales of belligerence from the past.  We must study the ways of great drinkers before us, for if we do, we may realize that although having a gigantic anchor full of booze may sound like a cool idea, we probably shouldn't use it while crossing the Atlantic Ocean. Read More »

Like a wedding, a bar is a gathering of people - some family, some friends - all coming together to get drunk and celebrate something that few people really care about.

The underlying cause of going to weddings and bars is the same: get drunk, get laid, meet tons of people you'll never call, and look back at your youth and think, "Damn...I really should have wrapped it up." Read More »

Throughout my feebly short life I've had entirely too much experience drunk dialing. I don’t know what it is about me that makes the idea of ex-girlfriends, Jack-in-the-Box and old hook-ups so enticing at three o’clock in the morning, but even on nights when I tell myself over and over again not to call anyone Read More »