Langerado Snippets

Ben: The label on these pills say that they can be taken with or without food.
Me: It sure does.
Ben: But isn’t that kind of pointless? I mean, couldn’t you put any noun in there and have the same meaning?
Me: I guess.
Ben: These pills can be taken with or without drum sets.

Taneel: Do you think REM will play Stand?
Wendy: I don’t know. Do you think they’ll play Shiny Happy People?
Ben: I think they’ll play while I’m asleep in the RV because fuck them.
Nick: Take that, REM.

Ben: Nate, do you remember insulting that huge, fat chick?
Me: You’re gonna have to be more specific.
Ben: You don’t remember? That three hundred fifty pound chick walked by eating an ice cream cone and you yelled at her, ‘Do you really need that?'
Taneel: That is so cruel.
Me: Not as cruel as being forced to eye that behemoth.

Me: What did your dad do for a living?
Nick: He was a cardiologist.
Me: I could have been a cardiologist but I didn’t want to.
Nick: Keep telling yourself that, Nate.

Ben: Liz, did you know that Daylight’s Savings Time doesn’t kick in until 2 AM?
Liz: Why do they do it at two? Why not one?
Ben: Because… they uh, tried it at one and it didn’t work.
Liz: Why not?
Ben: There were… uh… complications in the space-time continuum.
Liz: What?
Ben: Exactly.

Ben: I don’t think I could have gone to Berkeley.
Me: Why not?
Ben: I’m just not an activist. I’m more of an in-activist. People would be all like, ‘We’re gonna go save the whales’ and I’d be all like, ‘I’m gonna save my ass on this couch.’
Me: I don’t think political activism is a requirement for the University of California.
Ben: Just shows how little you know, Nate. How little you know…

Me: These pills can be taken with or without an orgasm.
Nick: These pills can be taken with or without a pole in your ass.
Ben: With or without a hot bucket of snot.
Me: It’s not as funny as when it started.
Ben: Nothing ever is.

Ben: Do you and your girlfriend ever have like an activity night?
Me: I mean, we fuck a lot.
Ben: That’s not what I mean. Like, one night, me and my girlfriend had this activity to make bookmarks for ourselves.
Me: Bookmarks are nonsensical and elitist.
Ben: Okay. Whatever. But do you ever do stuff like that?
Me: We go out to dinner and we fuck and we play with her birds and we… drink and we… watch television and we… that’s about it.
Ben: Yeah, me and my girl made buttons once.
Me: I’m going to sleep now.

Taneel: Are you and your girlfriend at the “I love you” stage yet.
Me: Isn’t that where Arrested Development is playing?

Taneel: Seriously Nate, do you guys say ‘I love you’?
Me: I’m pretty sure we say it in bed.
Nick: He’s all like, ‘I love you. Right now, I love you. Later, I’m gonna love this sandwich, then I’m gonna love you to shut up while I watch this Cardinals’ game.’
Me: Man, you paint a beautiful picture.

MCA: I got more rhymes than I got gray hairs and that’s a lot because I got my share!
Taneel: He must REALLY have a lot of rhymes.

Me: I just want a plate of beef.
Vendor: You don’t want a fajita?
Me: Nope. Just a plate of beef.
Vendor: No veggies?
Me: A plate of beef.
Vendor: You want it you got it, pal.
Me: Awesome.

Ben: Is that a plate of beef?
Me: That’s none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.
Ben: Who orders a plate of beef?
Me: I do, that’s who.
Ben: You’re… you’re a weird guy, Ace.
Me: Thank you very much.

Me: Wow. That was such a great show, I feel like I should apologize to Arrested Development for everything I said about them.
Ben: Me too, actually.
Nick: I take back everything I ever said about Mr. Wendell.
Me: Sorry, Wendell.
Ben: Yeah Wendell. That’s our bad.

Nick: Someone needs to drive this RV for a while.
Me: I’ll do it.
Nick: Preferably someone who hasn’t been swimming in rum for the last few hours.
Me: Bigot.

Lila: How was your trip? Were you a good boy?
Me: Yes I was.
Lila: And no cute girls hit on you?
Me: I went five days without showering.
Lila: Well, that’ll do it.