Chip Off the Old Snippet

Chip: So yeah, like every four hours Sarah produces milk, and if the kid’s not hungry, she uses this breast pump thing so she can bottle the milk and save it for later.
Kevin: Wow, I can’t believe I never even heard of that before.
Chip: Yeah, you would think someone would have mentioned this like, I don’t know, anytime before she had the kid.

Me: So, we’re just hanging out, sucking down beers out at the clubs while your woman sits at home with the baby? How long do you think she’ll let this shit slide?
Chip: As long as she still wants to live with me, dude.

Me: I love how, last night, your woman was feeding the baby while cooking the steaks and you weren’t doing a damn thing.
Chip: Hey man, I gotta get my slice of the American dream.
Me: Dude, you own your own business, your wife lets you do whatever you want and you have a beach house. I think you already have the American dream.
Chip: Holy shit, I think you’re right.

Cheri: I can’t believe you’re showing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer in the bar.
Dave the Bartender: I’m spreading Christmas cheer.
Random Guy: What channel is this on?
Dave: Channel ten.
Random Guy: Awesome, I’m calling everyone I know. This is a classic.
Dave: I love Christmas.

Kevin: Have you ever spent so much time in Wal Mart that like, you couldn’t handle the place anymore so you had a mini breakdown and just walked out without buying anything?
Me: Umm, no.
Kevin: All the screaming kids and low rent people and utter Wal Mart desolation never got to you before?
Me: Have you been drinking?

Me: So, you got a cute boy there.
Chip: Yeah, he can’t really do anything yet. You know he’s only like five weeks old. I can’t wait until he can do something. I mean look at him. He can’t even roll over.
Me: Infants are useless.

Chip: Having a baby is like being hungover all the time.

Holly: The light doesn’t work in the women’s restroom.
Dave the Bartender: And the toilet doesn’t flush in the men’s. I think we both know who got the better deal.