So I've been out of the whole schooling business for just about a half year now. Should've been a year and a half; unfortunately, I couldn't find a job after senior year, so I did the traditional yuppie white people thing and got a master's degree that has neither any relevance to my work now, nor any job I ever anticipate undertaking in the course of my life. Read More »

In recent years, I've taken to cooking dinner on both Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. I actually quite enjoy cooking, so it's nice to be able to save my mom the work and let her relax during the holidays. Really, though, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of manning the kitchen. Allow me to explain.... Read More »

Hello fine reader. I'm watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and am not good at introductions, so let's just get right to some observations.

There are Victoria's Secret commercials during the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just cut back to the show 30 seconds earlier? Read More »

I moved up to San Francisco a couple of months ago, and since I've been itching to do some writing (at least, I think it must be a writing thing, since the cream the doctor gave me for it didn't help), here are two stories.

The Icing on the Riot Read More »

I sincerely hope you took the time this week to watch the television epic that is Shaq Vs. If you didn't, take a second (half hour) to view it on Hulu, or below. Read More »

Yeah, sometimes I like to get pedicures. Seriously, no homo though. People actually have it really backwards when they say that shit's gay. Think about it, bro—you're sitting there and some Asian chick is on her knees rubbing your feet while you read a magazine or whatever. Read More »

First things first, faithful reader. I need a small favor from you. I'm applying for a campus rep job, and round three of the hiring process is officially a popularity contest—they want all the candidates to get as many people as possible to send in emails. Read More »

So, in my column two weeks ago I mentioned how little I've been doing this summer. Well, last week I decided to get off my ass and be interesting, so I contacted some friends and made plans and whatnot. Read More »

In the spirit of the holidays—y'know, we just had the Fourth of July, and the 7th is Macaroni Day, the 8th is Video Games Day, the 14th is Bastille Day, and the 15th is Forgetful Jones' Birthday (it's a Sesame Street Character—I'm pulling this all off some random website anyway)—I thought I'd write things I enjoy giving. Read More »

Hello, dearest fans. I know you have been longing for my return to PIC and waiting with baited breath for an explanation of what fantastic adventures have kept me from you. I have wondrous news on that front—I have been taken from you by a fantastic place that can make all of your hopes and dreams come true: the internet! Read More »

Upon his throne of white he sat,
Thinking of pleasures he'd never felt,
For though many times the boy had shat,
He'd never done it while a lady knelt.

He wondered what it must be like
To drop the kids off at the pool.
He'd wondered since he was but a tyke
How it would feel with a girl's mouth on his tool. Read More »

« Back to Grin, Part 2

I put on a façade of joy, but I could hardly bring myself to care. Jack described the blocked kick runback by Markus Curry for a touchdown and the forced fumble by Ronald Fields that followed it. I slunk down as far as my seat would permit. Read More »

« Back to Grin, Part 1

The game continued, but where on any other day it would've consumed every ounce of my attention, today it felt like a quiet hum barely noticeable over the constant, dull ache within my chest. It drew my attention, begging me to do something to make it cease. Read More »

As you all may have noticed, I've been gone for awhile. Well, not gone, per se, but really lazy. I could tell you I've been working on some things, but frankly, except for a couple of finals that weren't that hard and some moving that took a couple of days, I've really got no excuses at all. That being said, I did write one thing this quarter. Read More »