For my entire life, I've been left-handed. Well, there were a few years there where really all I did was sleep, cry, puke, and sit in a diaper of my own filth. But enough about my early 20's. Growing up left-handed, you're often subjected to the shame and mockery you would expect: people stare, people point. Little kids look at you and start screaming for their mothers. Read More »

With graduation quickly approaching, you're probably thinking now's the time to start looking for a real job. Well, I have some good news and I have some bad news for you. The bad news is, the unemployment rate is still pretty high and those four years (or in my case, six) and $100,000 you just spent on college is gonna land you nowhere in this economy. Read More »

As yet another Valentine's Day approaches, and I stare down the road of empty, bitter cold loneliness, I find myself asking the question, "Is it me?" Read More »

Growing up, I spent most of my formative years in a single-parent setting. Being raised by my father, I learned to be tough and strong (mostly because he didn't believe in going to the doctor). He followed the old school methods of parenting, such as the "Walk It Off" Method or the "You Want Something To Cry About? Read More »

It was winter during my junior year when I had a particularly rough Friday night. It was at that point in the season when it was so cold that my nipples were permanently locked in the "hard-on" position. Seriously, I couldn't make sudden turns without the fear of severely taking out someone's eye. Read More »

I can hardly believe it, but Christmas day marks the one year anniversary of "Sexual Solitaire." I still remember that morning, almost 365 days ago, waking up to an email from Court telling me that he'd launched my Read More »

Well, the holiday season is upon us, and you know what that means: for the next two months you're going to be forced to hang out with a bunch of losers who annoy the shit out of you. Or, as some people refer to them, your family. Read More »

Sometimes I like to look back on my life and reminisce about important events that have happened to me over the years. Like when I learned to ride a bike. Or when I shaved my legs for the first time. Or when I graduated high school. Most recently, however, I recalled the first time I composed on the single key piano. You know, dialed the rotary phone. Double-clicked my own mouse. Read More »

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And now, the harrowing conclusion to my excursion across this great land of ours as I make my way from Cincinnati, Ohio to Los Angeles, California.

DAY TWO (cont'd)

6:03 a.m. Read More »

As you may remember from one of my previous columns, I am currently in the process of moving across the country from Cincinnati, Ohio to Los Angeles, California. Right now, I am sitting in a Starbucks in Las Vegas at the Mirage Hotel & Casino. Read More »

As I've stated multiple times, I have a strong dislike for the male gender as a whole. They smell, they make stupid comments, and they're inexplicably self-confident for no good reason. Seriously, if the idea of scissoring another chick turned me on at all, I'd be a lesbian. Read More »

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a secret. I have been living a lie for years now and I think it's about time I told you the truth. I am not a natural brunette. The carpets don't match the drapes, if you will. I am a blonde. I know what most of you are thinking: why does she think I would actually give a shit about this? Read More »

I'm currently in the process of moving across the country to Los Angeles, which would explain my lack of columns in the recent weeks. (Don't fire me, Court!) If you thought regular moving was a pain in the ass, try a 2,000+ mile move. There is so much random crap I've had to do that I didn't even consider initially. Read More »

As shocking as this may sound, I am once again a single woman. I did, however, hit a new personal best at the longest amount of time I've spent in a relationship: five months. Maybe I'm just a wild horse that can't be tamed. Or maybe I'm just constantly longing to be, in the illustrious words of Lynyrd Skynyrd, as free as a bird. Read More »

Sometimes I like to dabble in poetry on the side. Kind of like how I dabbled in lesbianism in college. Now is one of those times (for the poetry, not the lesbianism). Read More »