CAT Scans Reveal King Tut Was a Pussy

Awww...isn't he a cute little pharaoh! I just wanna pinch his chubby little Israelite-enslaving cheeks.


That model, a photo of which was released Tuesday, bears a strong resemblance to the gold mask of King Tut found in his tomb
in 1922 by the British excavation led by Howard Carter.



Welcome Back Mr. CARTER! Zing!


The beardless youth depicted in the
model, created by a French team, has soft features, a sloping nose and a weak chin — and the
overbite, which archaeologists have long believed was a trait shared by other kings in Tut's 18th dynasty. His eyes are highlighted by thick
eyeliner.



How weak is the chin do you ask? Well let's just say it couldn't even bench press the bar. Yikes.


Three teams of forensic artists and scientists — from France, the United States and Egypt — each built a model of
the boy pharaoh's face based on some 1,700 high-resolution photos from CT scans of his mummy to reveal what he looked like the day he died nearly 3,300 years
ago.



It would be funny if they could create a model of him eating a sandwich in a deli. I mean, WE HAVE the technology don't we?!


"The shape of the face and skull are remarkably similar to a famous image of Tutankhamun as a child where he was shown as the
sun god at dawn rising from a lotus blossom," said Zahi Hawass, secretary-general of the Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities.



Shown as the sun god at dawn rising from a lotus blossom? HOW CLICHÉ! That was every kid's portrait back in kindergarten!

The CT scans — the first done on an Egyptian mummy — have suggested King Tut was a healthy, yet slightly built 19-year-old,
standing 5 feet, 6 inches tall at the time of his death.



He was standing at the time of his death? That sounds hard to pull off...but then again he WAS slightly
built....


The three teams created their reconstructions separately — the Americans and French working from a plastic skull, the
Egyptians working directly from the CT scans, which could distinguish different densities of soft tissue and bone.



How ironic, the EGYPTIANS are the ones working with fancy technology. Then again, they did build the
pyramids before the Internet was even around....


The French and Egyptians knew they were recreating King Tut, but the Americans were not even told where the skull was from
and correctly identified it as a Caucasoid North African, the council said in a statement.



I'm sorry, I don't know what's more unbelievable, the fact that the Americans didn't know who they were recreating, or the fact that CAUCASOID IS A WORD!!!


"The results of the three teams were identical or very similar in the basic shape of the face, the size, shape and setting of
the eyes, and the proportion of the skull," Hawass said.



Caucasoid.


The French and American models, seen in photos released by the council, are similar — with the Americans' plaster model
sharing the more realistic, French silicone version's receding chin and prominent upper lip. The Egyptian reconstruction has a more prominent nose and a stronger jaw and
chin.



The American Version also has chili on the sides of the mouth and an "I'M WITH STUPID" t-shirt.


They were able to dismiss a long held theory that Tut, who died around 1323 B.C., was murdered by a blow to his skull or
killed in an accident that crushed his chest. It raised a new possibility for the cause of death: Some experts on the scanning team said it appeared Tut broke his left
thigh severely — puncturing his skin — just days before his death, and the break could have caused an infection.



Yeah, back in the day people died from all sorts of common illnesses. The cold, the flu, deep thigh impailments. You name it, and a Caucasoid has died from it.


Hawass is leading a five-year project to scan all of Egypt's known mummies — including royal mummies now exhibited at
the Cairo Museum. Eventually, each mummy will be displayed alongside CT images and a facial reconstruction.



What about the daddies!? LoL!


"For the first time, we will make these dead mummies come alive," Hawass said.



I smell a zombie movie! No wait, that's just Hawass farting.

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