Drinking isn't overly expensive.

Drinking in bars can be expensive.

Drinking in karaoke bars in New York is the entertainment equivalent of shaking your wallet into a dumpster while drunk Koreans warble '90's pop hits you didn't really like when you liked them. Read More »

Look, I understand you're upset. But all the whining in the world isn't going to do anything. Hell, even making a Facebook group isn't going to do anything; you can't fight the evil Zuckerberg empire using its own tools. Read More »

I played with some big thoughts today.
Nudged them forward
The way I might kick a
stray
bottle on the street,
Its torn wrapper flapping with the brisk wind:
A corporate flag.
The thoughts bounced forward
the ridged edges clattering as they rolled.

It's funny how everybody is going to die but nobody knows what it's like.

Clunk Read More »

In part I, I rambled aimlessly and advised against seeing getting laid as something competitive. Here are a few more tips:

Pay Attention Read More »

(Editorial note: For convenience's sake, I'm going to use mostly male-centric language. Really, these tips should be universal, so even if says "he" and you can reach into your bloomers and grab a handful of fleshlettuce, it might apply) Read More »

Dirty Painties are back. For now.

By Jayceon Taylor

Hey, you guys. Lately I've been sensing just a wee bit of confusion about whether I'm a heterosexual or a homosexual. Well, I thought I'd take this moment and clear the air for anybody that's still wondering:

Jayceon is all about the ladies! Read More »

Recently, my baby-faced Asian pal, KC "Krazy Casey" Freeman wrote his always entertaining series of questions. It's titled Just Curious. You should totally read it and answer his questions. Read More »

(For reference) 

I respect and encourage your beliefs. Read More »

So apparently Halloween is less than a week away. And, in true X fashion, I have yet to find a costume idea.

Any help is appreciated. Comments/emails would be awesome.

If I choose your idea, you get a free signed copy of my book! Right now it's just a collection of used Wendy's napkins with bizarre smiley faces written on them, but signed. Read More »

When they see me on the corner they might not know what it is I do
Well I purchase pharmaceuticals wholesale to resell to you
Yeah I have narcotics
(fancy word for druggy stuff)
Some of them go in your vein
I do it for financial gain
You do it for financial gain?
Mostly for financial gain
Which I can use to purchase things Read More »

Original, for reference: Read More »

31. Not being imaginative enough: Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no-no.

Ok, first of all, what kind of weirdo are you? Vegetables are ok, but no candle wax? Read More »

16. Undressing prematurely: Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

I don't know what kind of weenies you date, but where I come from, an eyeful of my scrotum equals orgasm number one and it should happen as soon as possible. Read More »

As some of you might have figured out, I'm black. The more clever among you might have figured out that Paul Frank is, in fact white. Apparently, however, Paulie Nonuts is still processing this. In the form of sending me something like 20 text messages in the past couple days. Read More »