It took eight days for the missing-persons case of Latoyia Figueroa, a pregnant black woman from Philadelphia, to get mainstream news coverage after bloggers picked up the story. Eight days. Shit, by the time Laci Peterson had been missing that long, Scott Peterson already had an endorsement deal with Smith and Wesson.

Now, a lot of people will tell you that the reason a story on a missing, pregnant black woman didn’t make mainstream news is because of racism. But that’s simply not true. The reason this story didn’t hit mainstream media faster is geographical, not racial. She’s from Philadelphia. If they had to report every time someone left their city unannounced, the newspaper would read like a friggin’ phone book.

A friend of mine told me that there was one major difference between this story and the Peterson case (besides you know, skin color): Figueroa wasn’t married. “Neither am I,” I said to him. “So if I go missing, I’m screwed, huh?”

To which he replied, “If you go missing, the only people looking for you will be Citibank employees. And there sure as hell won’t be no major media story. After all, what would the headline read–‘Stupid White Boy Takes Off. Probably in Jamaica'?”

“But this girl is pregnant and has a seven year old. Don’t you think this should have hit the news faster?”

“Yeah, I do. I also think they should get rid of the designated hitter, pull out of Iraq and charge tourists eighty bucks a head just to bring a damn RV down here. But no one listens to the shit I have to say, and quite frankly, I’m used to it.”

“You’re being really negative.”

“Look, what do you give a fuck? What, you think you’re the great white hope just because you heard some shit on the radio that offends you? Life’s a bitch. And, as a black man, all I can say about this story, or lack thereof, is I’m not surprised. Hitler took over most of Europe praising blond hair and blue eyes. If blond hair and blue eyes has that kind of pull, you can bet your last paycheck that it sure as shit sells papers.”

“It must be hard being black.”

“Oh yeah. It’s a fucking bitch. I’m just happy I can make it through each day without getting lynched.”

“Sarcastic fuck.”

“Stupid cracker.”

In conclusion, all of my friends are complete and total smartasses, bloggers have so much pull that they’re actually influencing mainstream media (did I get this blog at the right time or what?) and statistics on missing people dictate that there is more than a ninety percent chance that Latoyia Figueroa is dead. And I believe that somewhere there’s a reporter who’s incredibly pissed that he was assigned to this story.

Because how many people would want to read about a missing black girl from Philadelphia, anyway?

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