Observational Humor

Comedy revolving around the people and situations we've all encountered at some point. Commentary, quips, opinions, rants, witticisms and editorials. Submit an article »

Charles Hartley's picture

Why the Beach Blows

Cat hates the beach

You step into the ocean. You wonder what insensitive, sociopathic creatures are swimming around your feet. Maybe a shark. Maybe minnows. Maybe horseshoe crabs. They're all scary. They can all do you harm. They don't care about you. They don't know you and would rather eat you than get to know you. This alone is disconcerting. Read More »

David Thorp's picture

The Unavoidable Sexual Plight of Man: Would I Bang Her?

Man pondering with hand on face

Men are fraught with a psychological condition. An exhausting mental burden that is impossible to shake. The average Joe may appear to be contained on the outside, but on the inside he struggles with the cavalcade of sexual thoughts manifesting in his consciousness on a daily basis. Read More »

Luke Strickler's picture

How Bad is the Entourage Movie? THIIIIIS BAD

As many people familiar with the Entourage franchise will know, the series focuses around the escapades of a movie star, his three friends, and his agent. However, what you may not know is that the quality of the Entourage movie is so low, it makes Citizen Kane look like a much better Citizen Kane. Read More »

A.J. DiCosimo's picture

Reaffirming My Faith in Humanity

Old man with his fox sleeping

Sometimes I wonder why people could be so depressed. The world we live in is so amazing and beautiful, and we should all be thankful that we're in it. I think everyone should close their eyes, and take a minute or two every day to realize how great of a gift life really is. Read More »

Michael Winston's picture

The SNL and Game of Thrones Controversies are Sucking the Life Out of TV

Louis CK rub his eyes in a Shakespeare outfit in disgust

This past weekend there was a lot of controversy over subject matter on two popular television programs. A quick search for either "SNL controversy" or "Game of Thrones controversy" will yield the necessary context if you're not already aware. The reason these issues generated any notoriety seems to stem from widely available public access to digital soapboxes. The voiceless (who should remain so) armed with Shift+3 can express outrage over anything they see/hear, and all of a sudden the angry mob with torches and pitchforks is digitally mobilized without having to get off the couch. Read More »

Kerreanna DiMauro's picture

Infrequently Answered Questions

Starburst flavors

Q: Why doesn't the Earth fall down?

A: The Earth does fall down. In fact, the Earth is constantly falling down. It's a good thing too, because it would look pretty silly standing still, doing nothing. Gravity is a funny thing. An artiste! I'm serious. Read More »

Mike Bellinger's picture

When You Regret 95% of Everything You Have Ever Said

Man wearing a small hat with a surprised look on his face

Ouch! Where did that come from? You were happily minding your own business when all of a sudden, it hit you. Why in Hades did you say that? A whole five years have passed since the utterance first departed your lips and you moved on to an existence with a fairly clear mind and conscience, yet you now find yourself cringing as though the last five years never happened. As though what you said all those years ago has just been pulled—warm if a little over-cooked—from the oven for the very first time, and is now stinking up the kitchen all over again. Read More »

A.J. DiCosimo's picture

Will Your Death Amount to a Joke?

Grim reaper texting

A few weeks ago an old childhood friend of mine passed away. His name was Daryl, and we used to do everything together. That is, until a teacher caught us kissing in the boys room at school one afternoon. I was young and it didn't mean anything; I was just exploring a natural sexual curiosity. But when the principal found out, he was not happy. Read More »

Bil Lepp's picture

Every Rollercoaster Line is Lying to You

Decrepid Fastpass Entrance sign

We went to one of those big amusement parks. I hate the act of standing in line at theme parks, but I do find the lines intriguing. While a team of engineers designed the rides, a team of social psychologists designed the lines. I'm not sure they are good social psychologists. If they were good psychologists their career paths might not include designing lines. Read More »

Kerreanna DiMauro's picture

Drunk Playlist Generator (Just Add Vodka)

Absolut Disco vodka bottle

What's in a name? More specifically, what's in a performer's name? My iPod is one massive mega-playlist filled with hand-picked rock theatrics and badass girl power, creatively categorized ONLY by the singer/band names. That's right, I've configured my playlist according to wordplay generated from wildly-named music artists. Aha! It's true. I do it. How could it be? Hear me out. Read More »

Charles Hartley's picture

What If... Whatever

Question mark painted into lines on road

What if you could be anyone in the world starting now other than your cool self? Who would you want to be? Would it someone you are jealousy of? Desirous of? Confused by? Fixated on? What if you wanted to be me? That would be weird. What if I wanted to be you? Read More »

Paul Hardie's picture

Is Your Chicken Tired?

Chicken on a pillow

"You should always let your meat rest after it's been cooked," they say. That's what she said!

Last weekend, I pulled a golden brown free range chicken off the BBQ for our dinner guests and my wife said, "You can't cut it now. Leave it for a bit, it has to rest." Read More »

Steve Lewis's picture

The Cunt of Celebrity

Kim Kardashian cult of celebrity

It's difficult to argue a case for celebrities: why we need them, what good they do, and why we shouldn't rummage through their bins and sniff their dirty underwear. It seems that most people seem to loathe celebrities, when asked. Everyone has their own makeshift dartboard with some grinning bastard's photo covering the bull. Read More »

Dru Oliver's picture

29 and Dying

Guy with Post-It notes on his eyes

It's strange that every time a pretty twenty-something-year-old non-celebrity white girl is on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine, I assume they have either killed their child or are sleeping with the starting quarterback of the seventh grade football team. This is what reality television is doing to our society, or else I've watched far too many interviews with Nancy Grace. Regardless, those were the first thoughts that passed through my mind when I saw an issue last fall featuring 29-year-old Brittany Maynard on the cover (right next to a smiling Mr. and Mrs. Clooney), right before, Damn it, where were these teachers when I was in middle school?! Read More »

Mike Bellinger's picture

I'll (Probably) Never Be a Professional Wrestler

Rick Flair crying in the wrestling ring (WWE)

I sigh wearily and gaze out onto the cobbled streets below. I see two young boys play fighting as their mother admonishes them. "Ahh, the innocence of youth," I lament. "You've got all the time in the world, boys. All the time in the world." A single tear rolls down my cheek. All the time in the world... Read More »

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