The Snippets Know Webkins

Kevin: So I was gonna comment on your Rick Ankiel piece.
Me: What were you gonna say?
Kevin: You know, how Rick was a waste of talent, how he felt pressure too easily. You seem to overlook that real men, like that one dude who threw a no-hitter on acid, know how to handle the pressure.
Me: Why didn't you leave that comment?
Kevin: I started to, but then as I was typing, I realized it wasn't worth it.
Me: That's a common feeling amongst internet commenters I'm sure.
Kevin: Yeah, well I could see how it would be. I mean, what's the point, right?
Me: Deep.

Mike: Dude, I don't know if I want to go to Ybor now.
Me: Dude, you have to see it.
Mike: Yeah, but my aunt was warning me about it and then I turned on the news and saw that someone got shot there last night.
Me: Yeah, but that's okay. It happens all the time.
Mike: How the fuck is that okay?
Me: Don't be a pussy.
Mike: Shut up, bitch.

Andy: Mike got us kicked out of The Devil Rays game.
Me: How?
Chowder: He kept cussing out little kids.
Me: There's no place for that at a ballgame.
Mike: Fuck those stupid little fuckers anyway.
Me: Ah, I see you're in rare form, tonight.
Mike: Fuck you, asshole!
Me: Awesome.
Mike: I'm kidding bro, you know I love you.
Me: You're wasted.
Mike: Fuck you asshole.
Me: Mellow out.
Mike: I'm kidding dude, you know I love you.

Me: Do you have any Webkins?
Counter Lady: Sure. What kind would you like?
Me: Well, they're actually for my niece.
Counter Lady: I kinda figured they weren't for your amusement, you know, seeing as how they're stuffed animals and you're a grown man.
Me: You pick up on little things like that, huh?
Counter Lady: That's why I'm such a great salesman.

Me: You said you're a salesman?
Counter Lady: So?
Me: But you're a woman.
Counter Lady: A woman can be a salesman.
Me: Not a salesperson or a saleswoman, eh?
Counter Lady: All that fem speak is for the insecure. A salesman is a salesman, even when he's a woman.
Me: Well, I'll be damned.
Counter Lady: Watch your mouth. There's a lady present.
Me: Er? okay. Sorry.

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