The past week has certainly been better for me than it has been for DJ AM. Last Monday night I opened a show at NYC's Blender Theater for the band Me Talk Pretty, who have just been nominated for a 2009 MTV VMA. Read More »

Monday morning I woke up in a fog to my shitty cell phone alarm. Every time I hear that thing go off it makes me relish the days I experienced as a cutter, when I had a quick fix to any pain I felt. If I ever go to a concert and hear Mozart's "Ode to Joy," I'm going to pierce that conductor's rectum with his baton. Read More »

I apologize in advance to those who thought this article was going to be a tutorial for taking down an airplane with wires dangling out of your sphincter—it's not. It's about the countless "special occasions" comedians experience when we do so poorly on stage that not only do we question the merit of our material, but most of the time we question whether we deserve to live or die. Read More »

« Back to Debauchery Rules Log Bay Day 2009, Part 1

The tradition of Log Bay Day started when one of my friend's parents bought a house up in Lake George. We used to visit a few times a summer, but have since been banished from their house after continuously leaving it looking like Gavin Pitt's asshole after it's been fisted by a football team. We now rent a hotel room for the first night, and then a camp site on an island for the following two. Read More »

I know it's late in the week, but after this past weekend I barely have the brain cells to form a complete sentence. My friends and I have a yearly camping trip we take up to Lake George to celebrate "Log Bay Day." This unadulterated boozefest happens every year on the last Monday of July. Read More »

I think I'm going to continue naming all of my articles after rap(e) songs just for my own enjoyment. This past week has been relatively uneventful besides the fact that I saved a fucking LIFE this past Friday. I was walking to a comedy club in NYC when I saw a familiar sight: a man of poor fortunes was stumbling and weaving through traffic. Read More »

Well here it is. My first column for PIC and it's progressing as slow as a retard in quicksand. I hate anything introductory. The world would be a lot easier if we could just strap ourselves into a chair like the Matrix, and upload background information about anything and everything. Read More »