College Quotes
Jenny: Dude, Laurel, we need to just like go on an adventure, you know? Just break out and go.... steal something! You know that Jesus way up on the cross in the front of that private school??
Laurel: Why?! We're just going to go through all these overly complex plans, get black masks and gloves, get Sean in a getaway car, and then when we get there we'll decide it's stupid and go to IHOP!
Sean: I get the getaway car? I'm in!
Jenny: Why do you have to ruin my plan, Laurel?! I already thought we could make a TV show about all of our adventures we almost had!! We'd call it "The Misadventures of Jenny and Laurel"!! But you don't even almost want to have an adventure!
Laurel: Bye, I'm going to class, dumbass.
Jenny: Fine! It can be "Laurel and Jenny" okay? Well, it looks like it's just me and you, Sean.... sorry, for network reasons I can't change the name of the TV show to be--
Sean: I could always get my name changed to Laurel, but the Jesus gets to be in my room.
Jenny: Okay, but my name goes first in the title.
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About Casey Freeman
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University of Colorado at Boulder
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Kc was born in Oregon, raised in the Dakotas, educated in Colorado, and now resides in NYC. He misses sleeping until noon, drinking nightly, and getting shot down by college girls. He still gets shot down by college girls.
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Thankful Questions
Before you stuff yourself silly, or after depending on when you read this, answer a few of my Weekly Questions.
1. What are you thankful for?
2A. A long time ago, a friend set me up with this girl. Everything was going great, until she asked to take a sip of my beer and then proceeded to throw my barley nectar on two guys. She wanted me to fight both of them to win her affection. I promptly left her and bought beers for the guys, then ditched the girl. A girl told me on a first date she planned on banging this guy, but he ended up high on PCP, punching a bouncer and getting arrested. What's your worst first date story? 2B. Call me a square, but I have no idea how you ingest PCP. Do you smoke it? Shoot it? Snort it? 2C. Have you ever heard a positive PCP story?
3. Obligatory Sex Question: I've been watched, thrown girls into walls (by accident) and laughed hard during a very sensitive moment (her orgasm, which I thought was fake). What's the most embarrassing thing to happen to you during sex?
Enjoy Thanksgiving everybody!!! I'm very thankful for all your ridiculous answers! You're the best!
6 Comments
I heard Mother Theresa took PCP, that's how she did all those good acts and shit.
1. I'm thankful for poverty, world hunger, and war.
2A. The worst first date I ever had was when I was 16. I took this girl to a movie at the mall, and when we got out to the car, I started to get to know her in the biblical sense. Right at the moment of truth, my friends who were passing through the parking lot noticed the sauna effect on the windows and decided to bust the doors open and put their two cents in on our behavior. This ended in me chasing my friends around the parking lot with my pants around my ankles and the girl hauling ass for the horizon.
2B. I'm told that you bake PCP into lasagna.
2C. All I know is that I saw this episode of cops where this big black dude on pcp got naked and punched out a fence. It didn't look like the kind of experience I would care to have.
3.You would think that my answer for 2A would apply, but sadly, worse things have happened during sexy time. I think the worst would be the time that I was belligerently drunk and proceeded to fart loudly (which is never good during sex because it is totally unmuffled by clothing), vomit on her breasts, and pass out unceremoniously with my naked ass in the air. She drew a very unflattering face on my posterior and posted the picture on her Myspace.
1. I'm thankful that Canadians actually know when the real thanksgiving is, b*tches!
2A. Girl got p*ssed off because I kept hitting her in paintball (it was a quintuple-date, 5 girls vs. 5 guys), then again in laser tag.
2B. Mmm... Lasagna... Actually, I don't know, I just know I'm ordering some lasagna for supper now.
2C. With friend like mine, surprisingly no.
3. I called the girl dirty names that she obviously didn't like, since she left the room... and the house... and drew a foul image in the frost on my car windows... Jeez, come to think of it, I'm glad I got rid of her then.
1. I'm thankful that Australia produces hot bitches and chics and shit.
2a... thinking about I've never really had a date date, in Australia the process is quick. Step one; find target girl. Step two; find either roofies, chloroform, a pitcher of vodka or a giant club. Step three; mate.
2b. I'd sell it...
2c. If I had some, and sold it, the cash in flow would be a positive story.
3. "aw, aw dont move, aw... ...AW... ... ahhh, sooooo"
1. diet coke, cookie dough in a tube, ramen noodles, and running buddies more dedicated (or fatter) than me.
2. a) i went for lunch with a romanian rugby player, and he showed up a bit tipsy, ordered for me, and proceeded to drink the beer he'd ordered for me, and eat parts of my salad. he then asked why i was wearing jean, that i should have worn "a small small skirt for funny business in the movie". funny business with a guy who refuses to tell me his last name requires at least one beer...like the one he drank. b) personally, i swallowed it. not in lasagne...in root beer. c) um...i dunno, most of the time i end up CONVINCED im in a pit of moving ants...but until that point i like how the whole world is fuzzy as if youre looking kind of cross-eyed at it. yeah, im just that weird.
3. the guy's younger brother didn't realize anyone was home and he came busting in to steal a condom, because he and his girlfriend were getting friendly in the next room
I'm thankful that Canadians actually know when the real thanksgiving is, b*tches!
seconded
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