"Of course I like it in the ass, I love it. I need all twelve inches of your rock hard member stuffed up my tight little ass. Don't worry if I say I don't want it, that's just a little game I like to play, just give it to me anyway. I have the money and I don't mind paying extra for the kinky shit. Read More »

What is Ramone doing at 1:30 in the morning? He's getting laid, of course. I wonder what type of lady he's taking for a ride on the Latin rollercoaster tonight. Read More »

The walls are closing in on me. I can't breathe. I need this line to start moving. Move, bastards. Move! Don't these people know that I'm on a very tight schedule? Read More »

The ominous sounds of chubby knuckles being dragged down my apartment door wakes me from my sexual slumber. I sluggishly roll onto my side and through blurry, fog-covered eyes I attempt to focus on the vintage Kiss clock that resides on my bedside table. I think it may read 0800 but I'm not entirely sure. Read More »

My day begins with me sitting in my tomb staring at the reflection of my disappointed face in my computer monitor, wishing for death. There are two inevitable and constants in this world. The first is that I will not be lucky enough to die today and therefore will be forced to finish my work day, and the second is that I will not get laid. Read More »

Why did I agree to do this? I don't know the first thing about taking care of a kid. The reason quickly comes to me: this little guy's mom is smokin' hot and I thought it might get me laid. Single moms always have a soft spot in their pants for a man who is willing to watch their child while they run errands. Well, if I am going to make a good impression I should probably feed the little dude. Or at least water him. Read More »

I have spent the better part of the day trying on new and surprisingly uncomfortable outfits getting ready for tonight's company Christmas party. I must look my best if I am going to have any chance of dipping my wick into an overly drunk female tonight. After careful deliberation with my crotch I have chosen to wear my black and white velvet remake of the traditional James Bond tuxedo. Read More »

Most men are afraid to admit that they love to soak in a bubble bath but I'm sure as hell not. I love the feeling of bubbles popping over my man titties. "I take bubble baths world, so suck my freak." Soaking my goods in a hot steamy bath is the perfect place to review the entries for my free latte contest. Read More »

Washing my ride with a big bucket of soapy water and a hot pink sponge makes me feel like a man. To pleasure any on-looking females I make sure to grease up my entire body and wear clothing that displays my world class package to its best advantage. Read More »

The DVD case smells like shit. Actually now that I think about it, it smells of the store where I rented it. It smells of cheap cleaning supplies and musk. I stare intensely at the case trying to figure out exactly where I remember smelling the musky stench before. Sitting back in my chair gazing up at the ceiling, it hits me like a bolt of lightning. Read More »

As I sit with my eyes fixed on the door and my back placed firmly against the wall, I wait for the heat of the lamp to slowly cross under my balls. There is nothing more pleasurable in this world than feeling a warm heat lamp cross slowly under one's tackle. The sensation allows me to escape...if only for a second. Read More »

Beep! Beep! Beep! The brain piercing sound wakes me from my attempt at a wet dream. "Gosh darn alarm clock," I slur, drool pouring from my mouth. I roll out of my warm, comfy bed and onto the cold, hard floor. I like to wake up like a Navy SEAL, hard and fast. Don't ask why, it's just my way. Read More »

The six and a half hour wait in the emergency room reception area has been hell. The discomfort is almost too much to bear. "When the hell am I going to been seen," I mutter to myself. "The pain is too much." Read More »

"Yes Grandma. Yes Grandma. Okay Grandma, I won't forget. Yes Grandma, I know you haven't had a bowel movement in five days. Okay Grandma... I have to go. I, I, I, have a turkey in the oven. Yeah! A turkey in the oven and if I don't take it out it will burn. No Grandma. Yes Grandma. I know you love turkey, Grandma. Yes Grandma, I love you too. I won't forget, Bye... Bye... Bye." Read More »

Straddled and submitted, I opened my eager mouth to her but all I received was her hot lick of my left nipple. The lick was delivered with the form of commitment that would only be produced by a professional—a professional of love. The gentle gesture left me hard. Rock hard. Read More »