Well kids, if you're wondering what I've been up to, here's it. It's kinda long, but I'm really proud of it.

Lemme know what ya think. Read More »

Alright kids. This is the first movie I've made in about a year. I had a lot of free time. Either way, sound is crucial for this...unless you really like shapes...so please, turn up your speakers or plug in your earphones. This has been recorded at a very...unfortunate...volume.

Also, it's very, very dry humor. If you don't like that, then you won't like this. Uh-huh. Read More »

There are two things you're doing right now, reader. Aside from stroking your clit...Either, one, you have read the title and asked aloud: Who the FUCK is Leeroy Jenkins and why should I give a FLYING SHIT ABOUT HIM?

(Careful now, your mother is in the next room!)  Read More »

If you're reading this, you're probably not a lesbian. Actually, nix that. If you're reading this, you're probably a lesbian. Because after I'm done writing this, I'm posting links to it all over your dykeish websites (watch out ellen.com!). Read More »

This is my dog.

His name is Robert Plant.

...

Believe me?

...

If you don't comment, I'll take his rock-muzzle off..... Read More »

I'm going to go out on a limb and figure most of you don't know ZZ Top, given the fact that most of you rather click AC/DC Ringtone Ads than comment on my blog (fuck you, seriously). Read More »

This is the first in a long, long series of articles explaining the true meaning behind awesome rock anthems' lyrics, inspirations and otherwise. Read More »

This story was edited. Now it's much better. You'll see it up on Tuesday in the columns section.

YEAH! 

In the last hour, I was given the challenge by a writing buddy of mine to write three stories. Each was supposed to be 200 words, 400 words and 600 words exactly. They are actually 250 words, 400 words and 650 words exactly (less the title, of fucking course). If you don't like that, you can lick my literary nuts. Read More »

These are my favorite quotes...someday I hope to be just as literary, snotty and bitchy as they are remembered...combined.

Here we go... Read More »

At our shared mirror, my roommate lathered his face with a bar of white, overly-fragrant soap in the purplish dark of early morning. I saw the gunk sliming through his hands and then falling into our sink. I closed my eyes then looked to him again. He was sharpening our public straight-blade on a leather strop, then running it over his neck. Read More »

A man is a god in ruins.
-Emerson

They watched her dance, a thin chain of silver around her stomach shining against the firelight. She was blonde, fourteen; her skin, they only knew to describe as the color of wet pencil shavings. Her name, as they had always known, was North. The Birthright Child. The Living Womb and Savior. North. Read More »

Still a little coked-up, Ray Mercer sits on the edge of a little, stone bench, staring through the tall windows of Charles Family Tuxedo Rental. He’s holding a flimsy deck of cards in his right hand, shuffling, cutting aptly. As Mercer’s hand flips through the cards, he speculates if he can scrape together enough money to rent a suit for his sister’s wedding. Read More »

On the Genius of Professor Nicholas Gaudio
A Brief Autobiographical Fiction

At Yamsleigh College in North Connecticut there resides deep in the illustrious catacombs of academia, a man named Professor Nicholas Gaudio. Read More »

So, I'm pretty sure my apartment's got a new tenant...a mouse. Now, if you don't know me well (and you don't), you also don't know that I fucking hate mice. I'm not afraid of much...snakes, heights, that shit...but mice scare the shit out of me. Bubonic plague carrying little vermin...ah...they're so goddamned quick. Read More »