(What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic with plastic flowers and a cauliflower ear.) Read More »

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(Who is this masked man working the door at my neighborhood bar????) Read More »

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(Yeah, it's a disgusting habit...) Read More »

Dear Netflix,

I adore your service. Because of you, all I need to do for entertainment is walk to the mailbox and update my Queue—which I do more than I check my Facebook profile. But I've found a way to make Netflix even better.

Send porn randomly. Read More »

The reason why my socks smell like weed and my weed smells like laundry detergent is...

I keep my weed in my sock drawer. I know. Surprising. Get over it.

(No, your head is the one with the thick candy shell on it...) Read More »

(Yeah, this isn't suspicious at all...) Read More »

Nothing warms my adamantium heart like a douchebag getting what he deserves. And this, my gentle readers, is one of those times.  Read More »

"Wine was invented by the Romans. For orgies. And orgies are no fun when no-one wants to do with you." -Dr. Steve Brule "For Your Health" Read More »

(It's time to get mean...)

A lot of people think all bouncers do is fight. That's far from the truth. We also stand around a lot and hope our booty calls text message us back. But, (un)fortunately, there are times we do NEED to fight. Read More »

Living with dudes is cool. You're bros. You share beer, toothbrushes, and the four dishes, two spoons and eight forks. But dudes also take big smelly craps and steal the treat whiskey you've stashed in your sock drawer.

Now, I'm living with one of my best friend's girlfriends. This is about the third time I've lived with one of my buddies' ladies. Read More »

(My usual Valentine's Day gets a kiss from yours truly) Read More »

(Bouncers like money...so give us some!) Read More »