Funny Away Messages

Away Messages and Status Messages

An original collection of funny, sarcastic and creative away messages and status messages for AIM, Facebook, MySpace, MSN, etc. Check out our Classic messages and then dig into our hilarious Special status updates!

Classics Bathroom Class Finals/Midterms Sleep Studying/Homework Thought-Provoking Random Funny

PIC Specials %n Aways BRB... Bumper Aways Common Parodies Default Parodies Funny Ramblings I'm Out Like... Snob Series

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New Funny Away Messages

<<< Click the notepad to use a funny away message on AIM

Hello, welcome to my away message, how may I ignore you today?

Sex is like poker: If you don't have a partner you better have a really strong hand.

I'm in the bathroom because I'd rather put up with my crap than yours.

Just say "I don't know" to drugs.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I am a weigh.

I'm out this bitch like a bloody tampon.

I'm out like Christopher Reeve in a game of Twister.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up a good portion of the screen. In fact, just enough to obscure your IM.

Today we salute you, Mr. All-Day Away Message. You live your life away from the computer with complete confidence that all your buddies know exactly what you're doing, and when. You don't hit that "I'm away" button until you've covered every boring detail of your day since your last away message, right down to potty break updates. With obvious concern for your buddies of the nocturnal persuasion, you always end your day with a "sleeping" away message. Because with your little yellow notepad you say more than "I'm not here"—you proclaim, loud and clear, that you are not fit for life on this planet. So type up another semi-permanent away message Mr. Self-Absorbed, because next time we need an online newsflash, the last 10 minutes of your life is only a right-click away.

The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait until sending is re-enabled and send the message again.

Bed, bed, and beyond.

Student Caught Reading Away Message, Feels Stupid
ONLINE - Around %t an anonymous student, identified by the online persona %n, is reported to have checked an away message, and then felt really dumb. Apparently seeking an end to boredom or perhaps indulgence of information on a secret crush, the student acted rather nosily and could not help prying. "I just feel so lame now," the perp admits.

I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up all my free time and leaves no room for social interaction.

Remember the time I told you you were cool? That was opposite day.

Away. (But if I was as big as you, I'd probably give myself a weigh.)

My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard. And they're like, "You wanna trade cards?" Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard.

Ask me about my away message.

Knock knock?
Who's there...
%n!
%n who?
Exactly what I was thinking too.

Not to be childish, but %n is a big fat dookie head.

I went that away ------->

Nature called, so I'm giving it a load of shit for bothering me.

The best thing about waking up with morning wood is knowing that without that kickstand, you might have rolled off your bed last night.

Takin' a crap. Wanna help with the paperwork?

Are your z's running? Um, you better go catch them.

I'm busy studying. Or as they say in the porn business, "looking at porn."

Help! My grades have fallen and they can't get up.

Some people call it a learning curve, I call it going in circles. Attempting to study...

Studying. Notice how they conveniently put "DYING" at the end of this word.

I am not available because I am playing games with your mind. Think about that one.

Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck. Sure, your pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not the 17 other frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others may see thoughtless fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where it is okay for a man to go tanning. You ask "why can't we wear makeup, and use shampoo with lavender essence?" So crack open a fresh bottle of candy cologne, Mr. Abercrombie (or is it Fitch?), because we all know, when we really need a piece of gum, you might have one...in your man purse.

The Top 10 Anti-Chuck Norris Facts are now available for your funny away message!