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New Away Messages
The Top 10
Anti-Chuck Norris Facts are now available for your away message!
Hello, welcome to my away message, how may I ignore you today?
I'm in the bathroom because I'd rather put up with my crap than yours.
Just say I don't know to drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I am a weigh.
I'm out this bitch like a bloody tampon.
I'm out like Christopher Reeve in a game of Twister.
I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up a good
portion of the screen. In fact, just enough to obscure your IM.
Today we salute you, Mr. All-Day Away Message. You live your life away from the
computer with complete confidence that all your buddies know exactly what you're
doing, and when. You don't hit that "I'm away" button until you've covered every
boring detail of your day since your last away message, right down to potty
break updates. With obvious concern for your buddies of the nocturnal
persuasion, you always end your day with a "sleeping" away message. Because with
your little yellow notepad you say more than "I'm not here"—you proclaim, loud
and clear, that you are not fit for life on this planet. So type up another
semi-permanent away message Mr. Self-Absorbed, because next time we need an
online newsflash, the last 10 minutes of your life is only a right-click away.
The last message was not sent because you are over the rate limit. Please wait
until sending is re-enabled and send the message again.
Bed, bed, and beyond.
Student Caught Reading Away Message, Feels Stupid
ONLINE - Around %t an anonymous student, identified by the online persona %n, is
reported to have checked an away message, and then felt really dumb.
Apparently seeking an end to boredom or perhaps indulgence of information on a
secret crush, the student acted rather nosily and could not help prying. "I just
feel so lame now," the perp admits.
I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up all my
free time and leaves no room for social interaction.
Remember the time I told you you were cool? That was opposite day.
Away. (But if I was as big as you, I'd probably give myself a weigh.)
My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard. And they're like, "You wanna trade
cards?" Damn right, I wanna trade cards. I'll trade this, but not my charizard.
Ask me about my away message.
Knock knock?
Who's there...
%n!
%n who?
Exactly what I was thinking too.
Not to be childish, but %n is a big fat dookie head.
I went that away ------->
Nature called, so I'm giving it a load of shit
for bothering me.
The best thing about waking up with morning wood
is knowing that without that kickstand, you might have rolled off your bed last
night.
Takin' a crap. Wanna help with the paperwork?
Sex is like poker: If you don't have a partner
you better have a really strong hand.
Are your z's running? Um, you better go catch
them.
I'm busy studying. Or as they say in the porn
business, "looking at porn."
Help! My grades have fallen and they can't get
up.
Some people call it a learning curve, I call it
going in circles. Attempting to study...
Studying. Notice how they conveniently put
"DYING" at the end of this word.
I am not available because I am playing games
with your mind. Think about that one.
Today we salute you, Mr. Constant Collar Putter Upper. You, bedecked in popped
collar, teach us that we no longer have to live with a cold, back of the neck.
Sure, your pink alligator polo may look feminine to some, but not the 17 other
frat guys wearing the same thing at the bar. Where others may see thoughtless
fashion conformity, you preach a higher gospel. You preach of a world where it
is okay for a man to go tanning. You ask "why can't we wear makeup, and use
shampoo with lavender essence?" So crack open a fresh bottle of candy cologne,
Mr. Abercrombie (or is it Fitch?), because we all know, when we really need a
piece of gum, you might have one...in your man purse.
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