One-liners, observations, deep thoughts, tinylists, and anecdotes. Submit a Joke
Flashers don’t get paid. They just do it for the exposure.
The older you get, the better you get (at lying to yourself).
(putting my finger to the lips of diabetes medicine Jardiance®) Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at “rare but serious bacterial infection that causes damage to tissue under the skin in the area between and around your anus and genitals (perineum).”
What kind of world is it that shorts are not half the price of pants?
When you go to the office, you shouldn't have to leave your morals at the door. Your employer should provide a secure storage space in your cubicle.
The Super Bowl has become so commercialized, its religious meaning is in danger of being lost completely.
My willingness to use words I don't know is truly plaintiff.
Sure, eat the rich if you want… but it sort of seems like an unnecessary extra step.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I actually find words, tone of voice, and agitated looks really hurtful, too. Come to think of it, there are many ways to hurt me.
I don’t mean to brag, but I make everything look much harder than it is.
Law Professor: Do you know all the amendments?
Me: I plead the seventh.
“Writers of the future” sound like a bunch of procrastinators if you ask me.
Bartender: And are you over 21, young man?
Me: Pffffft, please, I was born over 21.
When I die I want to be buried at sea, because it seems like a big headache for everyone involved.
Stop saying “you are what you eat,” it's making me crave employed people.
Am I okay? The short answer: no. The long answer: noooooooo.
I don't have much to complain about lately, but other than that things are going fine.
He wasn't afraid to ask the tough questions, but he sure was afraid of clowns.
Me doing yoga to relieve my chronic back pain and close-to-arthritic spine? Now that's a stretch!
Your Porn Name is your full name, social security number, credit card number + expiration date + CVC + billing address + mother's maiden name, and all your email, social media & other account logins & passwords + Jeremy. Share yours below!