Trust me, you also don't want to look a gift horse in the ass.
The human body is magnificent. No other animal eats as much Chex Mix as we do.
If there were laws for dogs they’d probably stop messing around all the time and get to work.
If I joined a motorcycle gang I would probably be the leader, since I own a car.
A misplaced decimal can make things a hundred times worse.
— Rick Post, @RickPostCo
I'm a natural ventriloquist. Whenever I speak, it appears a dummy is talking.
To air is human. To forgive confusing a frequently used noun with an infrequently used verb? Divine.
— Corey Pajka, @CPajka
When I check to see if “risktaker” is one word, two words, or hyphenated, I feel like I'm missing the point.
It’s a shame that the cave people could travel across the ocean millions of years ago for free using a simple ice bridge, yet today we spend millions on air travel.
If you’re ever on the run from the law, don’t get into a chase. That’s how they catch you.
How long does it take for jelly beans to grow into jellyfish? Asking for my nephew's science project.
Trying a yoga class is like an office job: strict dress code, a lot of circling back, and you’re stuck in a position for an undetermined amount of time.
I had a joke about World Introvert Day, but I think I'll keep it to myself.
I asked the waiter for an American cheeseburger so he pulled out a rifle and shot my burger 15 times.
My coworkers are constantly badgering me about the family photos on my desk. I mean, WHO CARES how I got photos of your families, man.
My insurance company gave me a blanket. It only covers about a third of my body.
I’m trying to stop comparing myself to others but it seems like everybody else is better at it.
I’m very serious about minimalism. I bought like 20 books about it.
I’m such a rule-follower, I lower my voice when I look through those Little Free Libraries.
A watched pot may never boil, but a boiled watch makes time a thing of the past.