I heard minimalism reduces stress, but I've been worrying myself sick since I cleared out my bank account.
I’m vegan which means when I go out to eat with my family I get something with tofu instead of the respect of my grandfather.
Sometimes people qualify time as “good”: “How long’s it take to get there?” “A good half hour.” What’s a bad half hour? Is that when you have to listen to jazz fusion?
They say, “Revenge is sweet.”
They also say, “Revenge is best served cold.”
So I say, “Revenge is ice cream.”
It’s good to look up the difference between “effect” and “affect” every now and than.
I like eating at a diner. I like when the place is named after me.
Shouldn’t the word “phonetic” be spelled “fonetic”?
I recently bought memory supplements, but then forgot to take them.
Without my memory, who am I?
My favorite part of a nutritious breakfast is sleeping right through it.
If mermaids ate worms, it would change everyone's entire mental image of mermaids.
If you expect me to believe in reincarnation, you must think I was reborn yesterday.
They say patience is a virtue, but they don't have to look so damn smug when they say it.
My personal trainer told me I’m an egomaniac pessimist with deep delusions of grandeur and a pattern of subconscious self-deception. So I’m thinking about getting an emotionally estranged trainer.
What was that word again? Oh yea, “unforgettable.”
Words can hurt. Ask anyone who’s ever had a dictionary thrown at them.
— Corey Pajka, @CPajka
The artist bio can go south really fast: painter, photographer, calligrapher, dentist.
Today is the first day of the rest of my week.
Knocking on a door is funny because it's like, “Hey! I'm coming in, but first I gotta teach this door a lesson.”
How do we decide which soup of the day becomes soup of the year?