I Was Told This Was a Dog-Friendly Office
Giving up remote work to spend five days in-office was softened knowing that I could have my dogs out, unleashed and uninhibited, just like at home.
Tag: Satire
Man, That Bank Heist Really Went to Shit, Huh?
I’m not blaming. I erred as much as anyone, and forgetting my gun at home probably should have been enough to reschedule the whole heist in the first place.
Our Burgers Are Now Made with Protein Beef
What exactly did we change about our Regular Beef to make it Protein Beef? Well, you can’t argue with the fact that the names are different!
What Miranda Priestly Didn’t Mention: The Real History Behind Cerulean
The color depicted stone tools, harpoons, and tears from assistants spilling searing hot Starbucks.
There’s Nothing in the Rulebook That Says a Man Can’t Play in an All-Dog Basketball League
It all started last week when I dropped off Coco at the rec center for practice. As I was leaving, the ball rolled in my direction.
RE: Met Gala Coat Check
ONE hat per person—five chic Homburgs stylishly stacked on top of each other do NOT count as one.
Quick Announcement for Our Communal Table
I’m working on my novel and have come to realize, after I glimpsed my spirited reflection in the window, that I go full Method acting when it comes to crafting my characters.
We’re Skeleton Minions, and We’re Tired of Our Necromancer Boss Working Us to the Bone
Xarkax denied us our pre-scheduled lunch break, citing breaching the castle walls as the main priority. Just because we do not have the biological need to eat does not mean we do not appreciate an allotted time to socialize.
Our “Unmarried but Long-Term and We’d Like Some Damn Presents” Registry
Not one of you has had to pelt us with birdseed to send us off on a week-long Belizean sexfest. We’ll settle for a fancy waste receptacle.
I Do My Best Thinking in the Shower—So I Moved My Desk Into It
And nothing says “you’re in a safe space” like warm water, the hum of the exhaust fan, and my decrepit bottles of Selsun Blue Medicated Maximum Strength Anti-Dandruff Shampoo.
I’m a Victorian Strongwoman and I Have Some Questions About Your Gym Membership
What is the schedule for the weekly emptying of the communal slop bucket---do we each take turns?
Son, It’s Time Your Mother and I Pivoted from Being Your Parents to Being an AI Company
Parenting You has left us with many core competencies that translate perfectly in the AI sphere.