You’re Gonna like the Way You Look—or Else
And if you don’t, let’s just say we have ways to make you like the way you look. I fucking guarantee it.
Tag: Satire
Our Friendcation Will Be Planned Behind John Rawls’s Veil of Ignorance
It seems obvious that this tool for organizing a multicultural liberal democracy would be perfect for organizing a short vacation for a group of friends who’ve slowly drifted apart since college.
Mind You, This Was Before Cell Phones
The Magna Carta was signed in 1215. Mind you, this was before cell phones, so King John couldn’t Docusign from home while wearing his best pair of sweats.
Help! I Mrs. Doubtfire’d So Hard That I’m the Most Sought-After Nanny in the Tri-State Area
What else was I supposed to do, take practical steps to be a better father and husband? Who has the time for that?
Some Notes Regarding the Work in Progress
I haven’t felt this confident since that first draft, which I dashed off when Bush the First was elected president.
Different Sandwiches for the Sandwich Generation
Occasions perfect for: Simultaneously filling out a HIPPA release form, power of attorney, and a third copy of the field trip permission slip your kid keeps forgetting to turn in.
Introducing the New Chase Fiefdom Card
With this card, you will still enjoy the same tiers of service with our travel partners, but with updated levels of service to keep up with current trends in wealth disparity.
A Day in the Life of a Woman Who Sorts by Price: High to Low
Time to move my body! Right now I’m super into Body by Hephaestus, which is power yoga while wearing a weighted tactical vest in a 140-degree room.
Honey, Check Out This Digital Article About How Bad It Is for You to Read on Your Phone
Cats that watch videos of birds are more likely to get feline dementia than cats who go outside and see real birds. It’s true.
The Secret to That Great New York Pizza Is…
Gotta be those great New York fish. You seen these fish? New York fish have chutzpah. They've seen it all.
Finally, Hims for Dogs
No one asked for this, but they never said we couldn’t do it either. It just seemed like something the world needed.
Welcome to Rock Bottom: You Didn’t Find Us, You Arrived
Nestled at the convergence of uh-oh and Jesus take the wheel, Rock Bottom offers a transformative environment unlike anything you've experienced before.