Make-A-Different-Wish Foundation
Dear Timothy Williams, we regret to inform you that your wish will remain just that: a wish. And wishes don’t come true, Little Timmy. Hey, life is unfair.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Deep Thoughts of a Supermodel
There's a new breed of Brazilian supermodel warriors who actually read and study something other than women's magazines--computer programming and existential thought to be precise.
I Never Should Have Agreed to be in this Poison Tribute Band
I think it's safe to say that agreeing to be the drummer for this Poison tribute band is easily one of the worst life decisions I've ever made.
One Hit Wonder
I did it bitches. Set your iPods to "repeat" because I just meloded all over you with my first and last sweet techno beat, and am now announcing my retirement from the industry, effective immediately.
I Know You’re Falling for Me in this Starbucks
Oh, I see you staring at me from the other side of this Starbucks, watching in heat as I seductively sip my double-mocha-frappa-chai-latte. The sex is imminent.
Dear Sarah Palin, You GO Girl!
Thank goodness the Republicans nominated you, a WOMAN, as the vice presidential candidate! It’s such a relief to toss aside my personal beliefs and blindly follow you and John!
I, Sam Pink, Want to Have Sex with That One Girl From “Clarissa Explains It All”
I should just expressly state my purpose here: I intend to pursue any type of sex act with That One Girl From Clarissa Explains It All (I believe it's “Clarissa” actually).
So You’ve Just Been Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s
Sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But since you won't remember anything I write in this letter, let me take the opportunity to reveal how much I've always despised the elderly.
I Have Nothing Against Rabbits
I’ve gotten a bad rap for what I’ve said about rabbits, but it was completely misconstrued. In fact, some of my best friends are even rabbits.
Beer Pong Star Signed to Three-Year Deal
Sophomore Lance Williams, widely considered beer pong’s top prospect, inked a three-year, $12 million deal with campus fraternity Omega Tau Beta..
Class Big Brother
The substitute teacher is in the room and he's brought the Thought Police with him. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Dissent will not be heard.
What to Do About Brains
Once again, you confront the fiendish "brain in a jar" that has taken over your life. And what happens? You lose your nerve, and the brain wins again.