Cat Hate Metal
I’m Washing My Butt! I’m Washing My Balls! Dogs are Gay! Humans can stiff my Litterbox! Cat Scratch Feces! Give you Brain Damage! I Hate Fish! I Hate Birds!
Tag: Satire and Parody
Executive Committee Minutes for the Hollywood Chapter of the International Jewish Conspiracy
Steven Spielberg, Harvey Weinstein, Barbra Streisand, and Michael Eisner gather for an important meeting to discuss production on the next collection of Jewish films.
Harry Potter is a Figment of Your Imagination
Kanye West, who has never read Harry Potter, seen the movies, or known the general plot of the series, has declared that Harry Potter might not be real. Agreed, I guess.
It’s Time We Educated Our Male Cats About Rape Culture
Following my male cat's attempt to have sex with his sister, I realized that the real problem is endemic to the culture of rape in which he, and all cats, live.
Three Studies Scientists Don’t Want You to Know About
The majority of scientists are deeply corrupted by their associations with for-profit institutions. I, on the other hand, have three important independent findings to share.
Sure, Cecil the Lion was Killed, But What About My Overfed Fish?
The world has wept for Cecil the Lion. But what about Thurgood, my overfed Siamese fighting fish? My friend left him to die and certainly this deserves as much attention.
Welcome to Tonight’s Mayan Human Sacrifice!
A terrified young virgin will be forcibly restrained while her heart is ripped, still beating, out of her chest, while she endures an unimaginably gruesome demise!
Rising Indie Band Seeking New Bandmate Who Interviews Well
We need a new bandmate who can lead an interview. WE CAN'T DO IT!! MUSICAL TALENT IS NOT REQUIRED TO JOIN THIS BAND. In fact, please ONLY be charming.
The Donald Trump Rap
"I will build a great wall - nobody builds walls better than me." Take a look around, "I am the least racist person there is." I simply think black people shouldn't have kids.
An Oral History of My DIY Children’s Party Venue
Lucas' DIY Children's Playhouse brought children with new ideas together to celebrate their birthdays in an "anything goes" environment, where do-it-yourself culture thrived.
Dear High School Class of 2015: Raptors Will Take Your Jobs
Raptors are not just dim-witted lizards anymore. They can open doors, hack your phone, and steal your car. And they're threatening to takie your jobs right now.
The Paris Review: Jason Half-Pillow, The Art of Fiction No. 501
Jason Half-Pillow has been published in countless literary magazines that few people have read, and no one has read cover to cover, including their editors.