How to Peg Your Partner: A Step-by-Step Guide
After the kids are asleep and your partner has put the Kindle aside, remark on the lack of sexual activity between the two of you. Your partner yawns.
After the kids are asleep and your partner has put the Kindle aside, remark on the lack of sexual activity between the two of you. Your partner yawns.
Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.
I don’t have to worry about sun protection because we are not even sure the sun exists anymore.
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
“Why does it have breasts?” Uh, women have breasts, okay? i-Rene is obviously female, duh! I mean we named her i-Rene.
How did I make this unexpected transformation from amateur writer to entrepreneur-scholar-travel blogger-Harlem Globetrotter?
And is it our fault the Giant Fire-Breathing Chicken-Killing Ray Gun didn’t work at all, and only made the giant chicken more powerful than ever?
“Hey gorgeous,” knife said to fork. That trim bastard put the cut in cutlery. “Weird night,” said knife. “I buttered some bread, and that was it."
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
Our ailing bodies fall from the sky into your front yard and all you can muster is an idle comment about the beauty of our chlorophyll jaundice.
The worst part was that a local news team ran a story that the reason my mom picked me up was because I was scared.
Twenty-first Amendment (Abolition of Prohibition) This former frat-bro is a highly functioning alcoholic. Currently a member of the federal judiciary.