A Letter to the Four Jars of Moldy Salsa Found at the Back of My Fridge
I hope that you will find comfort that while you are headed to the great serving bowl in the sky, your work on Earth will not be forgotten.
I hope that you will find comfort that while you are headed to the great serving bowl in the sky, your work on Earth will not be forgotten.
Once you've put on his face, the propellers are in motion--in two days you'll be in a high-octane boat chase with the man who shot your beautiful boy.
If Andrew Yang offers to give away more money at random, go ahead and make a pitcher of margaritas.
Unfortunately, the use of our XR line to assist in a murder of anyone is strictly prohibited.
It is so very, very stuck. Goddamnit, Frank. Goddamnit. You just had to eat the whole thing, didn’t you? You know better than to try shit like this.
When the captain misspoke and said “tur-buh-lence,” instead of “turbulence,” I was like a shark smelling blood in the water.
Public Father-Son Relationship Repair Stations: A stern daddy figure who’s really a teddy bear is waiting to surprise you with a big, warm hug.
I’m not actually Chinese but, as Chinese is the official language of all of Asia and being Asian, means I’m Chinese. I see you are quite cultured, sir.
I know what you're thinking: how do you think holding another bikini car wash is appropriate when we haven’t cleaned up the blood from the last one?
You are supposed to be here no matter what the Space Squids wrote on your locker in 4-dimensional ink that you had to get a Helper-Droid to translate.
TIME Magazine once called Dr. Krunth, “a man mad enough to think himself a God while doing the work of the Devil.” All summer I would call him “boss.”
People tell me I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but that’s not true at all. It was bronze.