How to Let Your Child Know You’re Not Mad She Wants to Be an English Major, Just Disappointed
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
If the pound plummets to junk status, Great Britain will return to the barter system. Price will be decided according to value in livestock.
Someone might say, “Never have I ever abandoned families at a bus station right before a hurricane!” and you would drink since you've done that.
Don't dwell on your decision to crush that hitchhiker’s skull after listening to your partner suck lettuce from their molar for the last seven exits.
Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
A skateboard is cool. No need for safety gear, either. You obviously don’t give a shit what happens to your grandkids, so a helmet would be confusing.
The 1960s: Students are now allowed to bring lunches with them to school.
Sun Lamp for Seasonal Affective Disorder, One Star: I returned this lamp to Amazon. With luck it will sleep eternally in the depths of their warehouses.
Making people feel connected was important to him. I think it would mean a lot to him to continue connecting with people by following us on Twitter.
8. The brain's ability to recognize faces is limited to John Lithgow --- Human faces: only computers can tell them apart.
Supplements are filled with patented-yet-unpronounceable ingredients originally designed to make racehorses faster and more prone to heart attacks.
We both loved Avril and each other and had friendship bracelets to prove it. It would be weeks before I learned that she was a rotten, heartless liar.