Please Stop Using Me, A Polar Bear, As the Poster Child for Climate Change
I wanted to send an official cease and desist but my lawyer melted in 2016 so now I have to speak for myself.
Tag: Russia
New Words for Complex Emotions in the Age of Trump
Quitticisim (kwit-??siz?m): The paralyzing decision to either delete or refresh Twitter every thirty seconds.
List: Rejected Chapter Summaries From “Stranger Things – Season 3”
The gang meets at the gym as they each try to punch the hottest boy in town. Curly Girl has a touching feminist discussion with mom about journalism.
Astronaut Caught Masturbating Aboard the ISS Faces New Trouble
I am a man. A normal man with normal needs. Do the whole "walk-a-mile-in-my-shoes" thing. There’s no elbow room here. No privacy.
List: New Tracks Dropped By Kremlin-Approved Rappers
Get hype for "Damn It Feels Good To Be A State-Sponsored Social Media Influencer," "Obey Tha Police," and "Putin Said Knock You Out."
Bob Mueller Can’t Tell Anybody He Completed “Twisted Metal 2” in Record Time
I really can't tell anybody this part but I doubt I will ever feel a pride as strong as when I watched Minion explode in front of Mr. Grimm's bike.
Me, Frankenstein Monster, Am Victim of Angry Mob and Me Blame George Soros
Fake News say it bad thing that me want Bavaria to be good neighbor of Transylvania. Say Dracula sadistic bloodsucking despot.
Leaving Neil Armstrong’s Homemade Banner Out of “First Man” Ignores That the Moon Landing was a Completely Individual Achievement
When finally he stepped out onto the moon, he spoke those iconic first words: "Look what I did.... all by myself… with no one's help."
Colin Kaepernick Would Be a Distraction, So We’ve Signed Donald Trump To Be Our New Quarterback
Luckily, the staff at the White House told us that things actually run a lot better when he’s not around, so they’ve agreed to lend him to us for the next few years.
75 Years Since #MeToo: Men Have Never Had It Worse
Since #MeToo, most men have ceased screaming sexually explicit compliments from the open windows of their turbo-charged street shuttles.