It’s Me, Rudolph, and I’d Love to Stop Reliving My Childhood Trauma Every Christmas
They say time heals all wounds, but that’s only for people who aren’t known by a nickname based on their biggest insecurity.
They say time heals all wounds, but that’s only for people who aren’t known by a nickname based on their biggest insecurity.
How about we all start acting like adults and take this seriously? Does your heart not beat for your nation (green)?
“Vegan! Give us ze classified recipes and ve vill let you live!” The Vegan’s former best friend-turned-nemesis, General Draganov, shouts.
Choose a ringtone that’s right for you, your lifestyle, and your tolerance for the incessant cacophony of crickets inside your head jar.
Great ambiance—enough body hair to afford some privacy but not so much that it gets in the way of your meal.
I think I can muster up just enough strength to go put the gardening tools away but that’s about it. Just give me a second while I try to stand up.
No one will explain the charge to you, but you are sure it is unjust.
The act of searing the runestone to your forehead for eternity feels clunky compared to Duolingo’s smooth user interface.
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.
You ever pick up a felled tree in the woods? Of course you haven’t! That sucker probably weighs 500 pounds! That’s the stuff I’m made of, baby.
Widely considered the apex of the Spider-Man films, the first sequel is also significant because its release coincided with the passing of my second kidney stone.
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