As a British man of 41 tender years, it has been a long time since I was in full-time education. So long, in fact, that mobile phones and the internet did not exist when I first stepped through the front gate, something my YouTube and TikTok-addicted kids think I make up. Either that, or I went to school during the Dark Ages and fought knights of old during my lunch break.

As I've gone through life, going ever balder, fatter, and with increasingly less tolerance for other people's BS, I've gained friends from all over the world. Some of my favorite humans reside a few thousand miles away in the United States. Those friends taught me about our great country's similarities and vast differences. We believe we're superior to any other nation, for a start. Our leaders like to poke their noses in other countries' business, and the people we meet during our education live long in the memory for better or for worse.

The Ridiculously Gifted Sports Player

Americans call them Jocks; we call them assholes. You know, the ones, those who are ridiculously good at every sport they turn their hand to. They are the star player for the soccer team, can swim like Michael Phelps, and could probably hit the moon with a shot pot throw. It's sickening, especially so because they are usually good-looking and immensely popular. You have visions throughout high school of one day firing up the online sportsbook Xbet and seeing this superstar's name listed as a favorite for an MVP award. You also have visions of them tearing their ACL, but the less said about that, the better.

The Rich One

Every school around the world has that one kid who is rich or at least appears to be from the outside. The one who gets dropped off at the gates in a $150,000 SUV, has all the latest gadgets and fashionable clothes, and whose birthday parties could be mistaken for the Oscars. They tend to be popular too, and it brings you far too much happiness when you learn they flunked their tests.

The Poor One

There is always one kid who is the polar opposite of The Rich One and is often the butt of all jokes. They come to school in raggedy clothes and use dog-eared books. This poor kid is the main reason for all your adulthood anxiety if you ever joined in with the vicious name-calling and constant jibes.

The Freak of Nature

I know you Americans are built differently, but surely you have all met The Freak of Nature at high school? Brits start high school when they are 11, and there is always that one boy who, despite not even being a teenager, stands at over six feet tall, is built like a defensive tackle, and has a beard that even the members of ZZ Top would be proud of. What on Earth do their parents feed them?

The Rebel

Our high schools demand students wear uniforms, which some countries find strange. A school uniform usually consists of trousers, a buttoned shirt, a tie, a plain jumper, and black shoes. They do this partly so that The Poor Kid from earlier doesn't stand out like a blind cobbler's thumb. However, there is always one that rocks up in full uniform except for brilliant white Jordans. You love these kids because they're usually the ones who don't give a damn and are as likely to throw paper airplanes at the teacher as they are climb onto the school roof. What is The Rebel of my school up to today? In jail, probably. Definitely in jail.

The Uber Intelligent One

Einstein has nothing on The Uber Intelligent One. They don't really fit in with any of the crowds, but everyone stays on their good side because they will need the answers to some homework one day, a bit like how you tolerate toxic family members. After all, you never know when you'll need a kidney. There's one major problem with getting help from The Uber Intelligent One; they know all the answers and don't show any of their working out in their calculations. You copy the answers, score an A, then look like a first-rate chump when the teacher asks you how you arrived at the answer.

The Drop Dead Gorgeous One

The Drop Dead Gorgeous one is the envy of all students. A DDG male student has girls swooning around him, while the female equivalent has boys running around in circles like a demented dog trying to catch its tail. They're usually the ones who get into bars when they're only 16. They're also the ones you pray end up with a nasty acne outbreak.