AIM Convos(PG-13, 70 lines)


Sometimes a scale is the only way to help fatties face the truth about their weight problem. That or insult them to their face.

ZekeTH: raaape


courtjester5000: Hello, how may I help you today?


ZekeTH: Can I have 2 big macs, large fries, and a small coke? i'm trying to watch my weight


courtjester5000: I have one scale available.
courtjester5000: Large, digital read-out, quick zero-out reading, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the quality.


ZekeTH: Kay, I'll take that.


ZekeTH: Does it explode if you set fire to it?


courtjester5000: No, but it will burn calories.


ZekeTH: Hmm…


ZekeTH: Explosions.. or calories…


ZekeTH: Ok, gimme it.


courtjester5000: Judging from your figure, you made the right choice.


ZekeTH: EXCUSE ME?!


ZekeTH: DID YOU JUST INSULT ME!?


courtjester5000: Ahem, what I meant was, we have some lovely treadmills as well.


ZekeTH: Oh ok.


ZekeTH: Can I see them?


courtjester5000: If you move your belly out of the way, yes.


ZekeTH: EXCUSE ME!?


courtjester5000: The treadmill lies flat on the ground…


ZekeTH: DONT MAKE ME HAVE TO SHOVE MY UNNATURALLY LARGE CELLULAR TELEPHONE UP YOUR RECTUM!


courtjester5000: Don't worry, once you've used this treadmill for several weeks, you won't need an oversized cellular telephone anymore.


courtjester5000: The normal size will fit on your ear.


ZekeTH: but


ZekeTH: i love this cellular telephone..


ZekeTH: we've been together since i was a fetus..


courtjester5000: Oh, you people, always trying to blame it on genetics.


ZekeTH: Cause that's how genetics work.


ZekeTH: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SEX?


courtjester5000: You're probably not getting any.


ZekeTH: Well then there's no hope for you, now is there?


courtjester5000: I prefer the regular sized ones better.


courtjester5000: See, there's this thing called nature vs. nurture, and you've been nurtured one too many times by fast food restaurants.


ZekeTH: Psh, I got coupons dude… girl… … person.


courtjester5000: I do not doubt it.


ZekeTH: Do you have breasts?


courtjester5000: Do YOU have breasts?


ZekeTH: Amazingly, no! 😀


courtjester5000: Everything went straight to your ass, huh?


ZekeTH: Mhm.


courtjester5000: Some say it has it's own gravitational force.


ZekeTH: And I'm gonna explode in about..


ZekeTH: 10 minutes.


ZekeTH: My ass has its own gravitational force.


ZekeTH: I can float/


ZekeTH: .*


courtjester5000: Motorboat is no longer only a verb in your case.


ZekeTH: roflcopter is no longer a word in your mind.


courtjester5000: After you take a crap, do people comment how much weight you've lost?


ZekeTH: They attempt to, but die from the smell.


courtjester5000: Naturally, their judgment is clouded.


ZekeTH: JUST LIKE YOUR FACE?


ZekeTH: hahahahahaha


courtjester5000: I heard your mom gave birth to an Arby's a year before you were born.


ZekeTH: PSH… It was a Chile's…


ZekeTH: Don't mix up my family!


courtjester5000: Your family was too poor to afford a server.


ZekeTH: When you tried to log on to aim, it said only humans allowed.


courtjester5000: Fortunately, I could afford my own server.


courtjester5000: How is your treadmill working out for you?


courtjester5000: …Trick question, treadmills don't work out FOR you, you have to work out ON them.


courtjester5000: Good luck fitting into those jeans, fatty.


ZekeTH: I'mma hump your ass till it bleeds, k?


ZekeTH: 😀


courtjester5000: May your scale always hold up to insult you.

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