AIM Convos

(R, 136 lines)

Note: The original author of these convos is unknown (aka bloodninja), but I found them relevant and funny enough to compile and edit for everyone. Enjoy the only piece of unoriginal work on the site!

C-Dub: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears29: Aight.
C-Dub: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears29: I slip out of my pants, just for you, C-Dub.
C-Dub: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears29: Oh, I like to play dress up.
C-Dub: Me too baby.
BritneySpears29: I kiss you softly on your chest.
C-Dub: I cast Level 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears29: Hey…
C-Dub: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Level 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears29: Funny I still don't see it.
C-Dub: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuk of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears29: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
C-Dub: Don't fuk with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
C-Dub: I steal your soul and cast Lightning Level 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Level 2 Druid.
BritneySpears29: Don't ever message me again you piece of shiat.
C-Dub: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
C-Dub: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
C-Dub: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
C-Dub: Baby?


 

sexyjen: Thats ok. Ok I'm a Japanese schoolgirl, what are you.
C-Dub: A Rhinoceros. Well, hung like one, that's for sure.
sexyjen: Haha, ok lets go.
sexyjen: I put my hand through your hair, and kiss you on the neck.
C-Dub: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
sexyjen: Haha, ok, you know that turns me on.
sexyjen: I start unbuttoning your shirt.
C-Dub: Rhinoceroses don't were shirts.
sexyjen: No, your not really a Rhinoceros silly, it's just part of the game.
C-Dub: Rhinoceroses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
sexyjen: Stop, c'mon be serious.
C-Dub: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinoceros about to charge your ass.
C-Dub: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
sexyjen: Thats it.
C-Dub: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
C-Dub: Goddamn am I hard now.


 

QTPie: Hey
C-Dub: What's goin on
QTPie: Nothing. Who are you?
C-Dub: C-Dub. Wanna cyber?
QTPie: what does that mean?
C-Dub: What are you wearing?
QTPie: T-shirt. Jeans.
C-Dub: Garter belt?
QTPie: Ummm…no.
C-Dub: Are we gonna cyber or not?
QTPie: uh, okay.
C-Dub: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
C-Dub: You're wet already. I can smell your stink from here.
QTPie: WHAT?!
C-Dub: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
C-Dub: You leave everything to C-Dub.
C-Dub: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QTPie: This is weird. I should go.
C-Dub: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QTPie: A stripe?
C-Dub: I need a sandwich.
QTPie: You're a freak.
C-Dub: I was great. You loved it.


 

Kati69: Sure, you into vegetables?
C-Dub: What like gardening an shiat?
Kati69: Yeah, something like that.
C-Dub: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out:
C-Dub: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Kati69: is that it?
C-Dub: You water your tomato patch.
C-Dub: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Kati69: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
C-Dub: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach… Sexily.
C-Dub: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
Kati69: Grain doesn't really turn me on… I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
C-Dub: My zucchinis carress your carrots.
C-Dub: Damn baby your right, this shiat is HOT.
Kati69:
C-Dub: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Kati69: What the fart is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
C-Dub: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Kati69: whatever.


 

C-Dub: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears29: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears29: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
C-Dub: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears29: WTF, I told you not to message me again.
C-Dub: Oh shiat.
BritneySpears29: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me fuking kiddie porn you fuk up.
C-Dub: Oh shiat
C-Dub: Damn I gotta write down their names or something…


 

Mandy4u18: Yeah I'm here.
C-Dub: You ready?
Mandy4u18: Okay.
C-Dub: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
Mandy4u18: Cowboy boots?
C-Dub: WWI era trench issue boots.
Mandy4u18: okay…
C-Dub: Help me pull my boots off baby.
Mandy4u18: Whats that smell?
C-Dub: Rotting toes.
Mandy4u18: Ummm…
C-Dub: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
Mandy4u18:
C-Dub: You caress my ass, and trim my pubes…


 

C-Dub: You're pretty funny.
DirtyLaura1: I don't remember you.. but thanx
C-Dub: Wanna cyber?
DirtyLaura1: OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
DirtyLaura1: Who are you?
C-Dub: I've got blonde hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
C-Dub: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's.
DirtyLaura1: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
C-Dub: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order.
DirtyLaura1: Haha! OK
DirtyLaura1: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
C-Dub: Well, first they would say, “Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you”, then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyLaura1: I want everything, baby!
C-Dub: Is this a delivery?
DirtyLaura1: Umm…Yes
DirtyLaura1: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone… and I think I'll take a shower…
C-Dub: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
(pause)
DirtyLaura1: C-Dub, I'm almost finished with my shower… Hurry up!
C-Dub: You can't hurry good pizza.
C-Dub: I'm on my way now though.
(pause)
DirtyLaura1: So you're at my front door now.
C-Dub: How did you know?
C-Dub: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
C-Dub: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven.
DirtyLaura1: Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
C-Dub: So you're still in the bathroom?
C-Dub: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstasy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door….
DirtyLaura1: wtf?
DirtyLaura1: You perverted piece of shiat
DirtyLaura1: Fuk

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