>>> Casual Misanthropy
By staff writer JD Rebello
February 8, 2004
Kids are stupid. That's not a generalization. Every kid is just a complete idiot. I'd like to say that people become smarter once they go to college, but considering every girl I know at school is a self-absorbed whining lout and every guy is a drunken, slipshod imbecile, then I guess maybe the world is just full of idiots. I guess, I have no point then. Ummm, kids are stupid.
Listen if you're white, that means something too. Turn off 50 Cent, lose the doo-rag, and return the bling you bought from Gadzooks! at the mall. If you're black, stop trying to scare me. Just because your pop made you memorize Menace II Society, you're still a little bitch, and that Avirex jacket ain't foolin' anyone. Speaking of 50 Cent, what the hell happened to rap music? When I was a teen we got Tupac and Dre and Snoop (at the height of his potheadedness) and Biggie. Today's kids got 50 Cent feat. Jadakiss feat. Ashanti feat. Sean Paul feat. one of the toddlers from B2k with a special guest star Justin “What do you mean I'm white?” Timberlake. Rap music sucks now. Even the lame pop music style rap was cool back in the day. Is there any doubt that Sir Mix a Lot was one of the premier musical prodigies of our time? Do you really think anyone's gonna remember the Milkshake song ten years from now? Nope, but “Baby Got Back” is still a staple at strip clubs nationwide.
The other side of the mall, annoying little twats who download a Linkin Park techno remix and think they are the spawn of Beelzebub. Make yourself useful and go cut your wrists or something. We had goths in my high school, too, but at least they had the balls to shoot up a school once in a while. Hanging out at the bottom of the escalator near Gap Kids doesn't make you hardcore.
Kids Who Smoke Weed and Think They Are Scarface
Listen up, Cheech. Just because you smoke weed, doesn't mean the Cuban government is sending a giant black assassin with a hand cannon to take you out, so drop the fucking act. I hate to rain on your parade (actually I downright revel in it) but weed is not a drug. If marijuana is so hardcore, why are they always talking about legalizing it? Stealing a dime from your brother and lighting up with your friends, all the while coughing like an asthmatic in space does not a badass make. Furthermore, what's with these kids who smoke weed while blaring Ludacris. Hooooooooold up….wait…the whole point of doing drugs in the first place is to relax you, let you chill, listen to Floyd, eat Chex Mix by the barrelful, not immersing yourself in the graphic dissertation on how some black dude from the South took out the Crips or some bullshit.
The Girl Who Assured Me She Was 18
Perhaps the worst offenders of all, girls who skank it up, take my friend home, videotape the proceeding and ship it off across the country, while humming the Ignition Remix. Listen, showing up to “all ages” night at the club if you're 13 going on 30 is not cool. Every guy's been in a situation where he's seen a little hottie, but wasn't sure of her age. So what does he do? He points her out to his friends and they try to determine her age like a panel on Crossfire. Staring at your ass should not be more confounding than the advanced math section of the SAT's. Here's my suggestion, lower the legal age to 13. Girls can still skank it up and go to clubs, and guys, isn't it more fun when they don't know any better?