>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
February 9, 2005

The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)

Channel 4 lines up Guantánamo-style torture show
By Dominic Timms

LONDONEngland's Channel 4 is to broadcast what it is styling a Guantánamo Bay-style reality
show that will examine the effects of mild torture on seven male volunteers.

The seven male volunteers will be forced to watch reality TV shows from America such as CELEBRITY FIT CLUB and MEET YOUR NEW MOMMY. Which in
a backlash of fate will actually raise the ratings for said shows 45%.

The Guantánamo Guidebook will recreate some of the practices used at the US naval base where hundreds of so-called
“enemy combatants” have been held without trial or access to lawyers for nearly three years.

Held without trial OR access to lawyers? That's like going without food and water! To people who really really love “the law.”

Using an east London warehouse and declassified internal documents obtained from US sources, programme-makers mocked up
conditions as they are inside Guantánamo, before subjecting seven volunteers to some of the milder forms of torture alleged to have been used by US
authorities.

Oh Gitmo. They will then order code reds and one of the contestants will not survive!

The programme exposed the volunteers, three of whom are Muslim, to 48 hours of “torture lite” including sleep deprivation,
the use of extreme temperatures and “mild” physical contact.

MILD physical contact?! You mean cuddling?! Sleep deprivation!? YOU MEAN CUDDLING! Ahhahaha.

As at Guantánamo and more vividly in Abu Ghraib, the volunteers were also subject to periods of enforced nudity and
religious and sexual humiliation.

Where can I sign up? This sounds like a heckuva show!

The seven male volunteers, one of whom withdrew after just seven hours suffering from hypothermia, were recruited initially
by adverts asking how “hard” they were.

“I'm rather hard…why?” “Oh god! WHERE ARE YOU THROWING ME?!?!”

After psychological testing they were then told what the programme was about and the list whittled down to seven. All were
offered counseling after filming was finished.

Though “counseling” just means they get a dude to say, “Not as HARD as you thought you were eh?! EH?!?!”

The programme is part of a four-pronged investigation into the modern-day use of torture practices, in and outside the Cuban
island base which Amnesty International has described as an “icon of lawlessness.”

Ah yes, the four basic PRONGS of investigation: Research, Interviews, Documentation, and Reality Television.

It is part of an upcoming season of films examining the use of torture in the “war against terror.”

An eye for an eye makes the whole world hard.

Presented by Jon Snow, Channel 4 says the programme is designed to examine the widespread use of torture and whether it can
ever be justified in what the US and UK governments have called the wider war “against terror.”

They should have a war against the unnecessary “me” at the end of the word PROGRAM. And don't get me started on COLOUR. Crazy reckless British….

“The use of torture or of information gained through torture has been justified as essential on the war against terror,” said
the Channel 4 head of news and current affairs, Dorothy Byrne.

Whatever happened to asking politely, am I right?! A little “please” and “thank you” never hurt anybody, did it?!

“This season of programmes challenges the viewers to watch torture techniques we know are used in Guantánamo [and asks
whether] can such torture ever be justified. Does it work? And how the values of western society are undermined by the use of such torture.”

Oddly enough, under certain levels of torture, some of the contestants on the reality TV show began spouting off top secret Iraqi government information.

Set for a late night slot at the end of this month, the 20/20-produced show is among a series of four programmes devoted to
torture.

The other three are, you guessed it, “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Human rights lawyer Clive Stafford-Smith, the first British lawyer allowed into the notorious island prison, introduces a
film looking at whether torture actually works, while the investigative journalist Andrew Gilligan examines the use of torture against alleged al-Qaida suspects
globally.

The Skipper too, examines the use of torture against small groups of castaways on remote islands. I'm sorry I couldn't help myself.

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