>>> The YouTube Critic
By staff writer Harold Longfellow, Ph.D.
April 30, 2007

Well, it looks like once again you’ve decided to click the lovely link that brings you to my little corner of the internet. That was a good decision—probably the best one you’ve made all day. You wonder, though, “Why does he always write an introduction telling us what this week’s article will be about when the topic is clearly in the link I have to click to get here?” That was a longwinded thought. Try to be more concise next time.

I, of course, have no good answer except that I have a quota of words to fill. That’s why introductions like this are great—so far I have 110 words written, and I haven’t even begun to broach the topic of the week. For all you know, I could have written this months ago, before I had any idea what this column would be about. Think about that one for awhile.

Oh, and this week the videos are racist comedy.

The first sketch here was fairly amusing in that it doesn’t seem to be staged—that’s about as much effort as any security guard can ever be forced to put into his job. Nonetheless, the second two really bring it down— “white coffee” and “white goes first” are puns that merit a few seconds of mild amusement, not entire sketches. Also, the idea of a black man getting very angry is neither novel nor creative. Finally, and most importantly, who really wants to listen to a bitter man complain about how unfair society is every week?

Watermelons: 1 (out of 4)

They say there’s a lot of humor in truth, but not nearly as much as in making fun of the plight of our brown-skinned neighbors to the South! That being said, I don’t give this altogether too many points because it takes a real situation and adds nothing. In the right places, you can actually hire a Mexican for $2.50 an hour. He will wash your car, work in your garden, or clean your pool. Seriously. Kind of ruins the joke, doesn’t it? Ah well, smells like mine’s making tacos tonight for dinner.

Watermelons: 2 (out of 4)

While this isn’t actually racist comedy, it’s close enough and has the kind of misery and suffering that I could watch for hours. I’m not saying that I expect people on the Maury Povich Show to have even a hint of something that might resemble intelligence, but it’s hard for me to believe that this man actually exists. I’d probably assume this was staged if it weren’t for the fact that he’s obviously some sort of droopy-faced inbred mutant. Frankly, I don’t even hold this against her—some people hold the distinction of being the first person in their family to go to college; she holds the distinction of being the first one to separate her love life from the family tree.

Watermelons: 3 (out of 4)

Brilliant. This video is pure, beautiful comedy. It is well-written and well-acted enough that I am convinced that my grandmother would take it seriously (though she’s also convinced that her Mexican mailman is stealing from her and that the only reason anyone speaks in any Asian language is to badmouth her). Nonetheless, the rest of us can appreciate the humor here. It seems to me, however, that there were a few minor inconsistencies in the film. Why, for example, is there a purple-shirted Hispanic man in Black Acting School? Just something to think about.

Watermelons: 3.5 (out of 4)

Now, of course, we have reached the conclusion. The writing of the conclusion always begins with me checking how many words I have written. If that number surpasses what is required of me, I can breathe a sigh of relief and just throw together a couple of sentences that are only mildly related to the column above. If not, I am forced to think of some thought that unifies all the videos and perhaps offers some insight into film.

The alternative, of course, is just to describe the process through which I write my columns in an effort to take up space. When I do that, though, it is always necessary to make some comment relating to the videos so that it does not actually appear to be a mere space-filler. On that note, don’t be a racist if you can’t at least be a funny racist. Also, don’t forget to tune in on next week’s column about how I come up with topics! (The answer is “depressingly slowly.” See, now you don’t even need to come back. That’s the kind of a man I am.)

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