So I attempted to write an article while smoking Northern Lights. I started smoking at the beginning of the article and I'll document how far I made it until I was just to high. I have a bubbler that holds somewhere between a joint and a blunts worth of weed in it. I took the entire thing to the face. I know I can't write worth shit when I am high, but attempt to at least once a week.

First hit, then started writing.

Last night, I found probably the only thing I am good at on a consistent basis. When I looked at the scoreboard  of the last laser tag game, the scores read like this:

1. 5,342
2. 1,670
3. 1,650

Took two more rips and continued.

I fucking rock at laser tag. If I owned a camera, I would have taken a picture of it. There was thirty people in the game, and no one could touch me. My kill death ratio was like 9:1. I guess I need to state something though. I was the only person over the age of 11 in the game, which just fuels my belief that anyone younger than me is terrible at anything I can do.

I take a short break from writing and finish smoking the entire thing, and start writing as the THC slowly kicks in. I am high at this point.

I think I could make a living playing laser tag. I will list all the ways I can make money with laser tag:

– Going professional and joining the Pro Circuit.

I think the first pun above is funny and witty, but upon review when sober I realize it's terrible and is a vague reference.

– Get hired by the military to run training drills using laser tag for the most hardcore of soldiers.
– Making appearances at the mall and NASCAR events.
– Shooting downs missiles and UFO's for the Department of Homeland Security.
– Making Pink Floyd laser light shows for trippers and bong rippers.

I have been to several of these laser light shows, totally worth it. Pretty high right at this point.

– Being on Dirtiest Jobs with Mike Rowe

For some reason I remember Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe is on, so I turn it on and watch him make sugar. I smoke a bowl while watching Dirty Jobs, fucking me up royally.

– Killing people.
– Host raves and selling ecstasy.
– Causing seizures while watching old school Japanese anime.

At this point I realized I was to high to write anything funny nor did I think I could top the last point, because I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever written. I came back sober and found this article all in pieces and fucked up and claimed it as unsalvageable,but then decided to comment on it.


Song of the Day: Come Home by Back Door Slam