Now okay, yeah, those chicks who were locked in that Mexican dude's house in Cleveland for 10 years were probably denied some things that we consider an almost essential part of a normal life (cell phone, communication with family, etcetera), I'll give you that, but STILL. They had it pretty damn chill if you think about it. Hear me out.

Plus, how is that a bad thing? That they didn't have to talk to their family AT ALL?! For TEN years? You kiddin' me? I would kill for that kind of freedom! The no cell phone thing, kind of the same thing, right? Talk about a Mexican sleepover!

And it's not these girls were denied dick, in fact all those babies, both aborted and unaborted, only prove this dude was laying pipe (or whatever Mexicans call it). It's like a 24/7 sex party where you don't have your parents calling! Am I right? Don't try and tell me for one minute you wouldn't drop everything and switch places/lives with these broads!

Not ONCE did they have to think about paying the electricity bill, or not having enough money for the electricity bill, or not having enough money for any kind of bill, or anything dealing with any kind of bill whatsoever. Financial aid payments? Fuhgeddaboudit! They were straight up living the dream. Hands down. That's the definition of living the dream.

They never had to go out into society, with awkward eye contact at every turn, the hassles of driving and shit. They had zero responsibilities, no one relying on them, no promises or social commitments to keep with anyone, at all. I mean, this is just my guess and based on absolutely no scientific evidence of any kind, but, they probably watched cartoons all day. All day.

And we're not talking boring missionary sex here. We're talkin' walked-around-the-yard-on-a-leash-naked sex. We're talkin' every kind of BDSM fetish fantasy in the book. These chicks have seen sexual liberation like no one ever has, I bet.

The world thought they were missing, how many times do I have to tell you this? They didn't even have to fake their own death or anything. Imagine how awesome that would be. Talk about a fresh start. Man, the Mexican people, you gotta hand it to them, their culture might be kind of weird at first, but those little mexicans, they..they know what they're doing.

The guy was a bus driver. Come. On. When have you ever met a bus driver who didn't absolutely have their shit together one hundred percent?