I found out today that even when alone I still talk out loud like there is a group of people watching the same events I am. I add commentary for my friends who aren't there. It created a crisis of conscious today. I was browsing the interwebs like I usually do and I got linked to a picture of a tranny. I naturally said what I would have said if my friends were around. I said "I'd still hit that," then I reflexively closed out of the webpage and continued surfing. It dawned on me no one was in the room, and somewhere in the back of my mind it echoed "No one was in here to hear that. Are you… gay?"

I immediately closed my laptop and laughed. "No I'm not gay" I narrated to myself. "I always do that."

My subconscious spoke up again. " How do you know you weren't always gay and just repressing it through jokes?"

My palms began to sweat. "I'm not gay. I'll prove it."

I then proceeded to wack it to lesbian porn. 4 times in a row. So I sat there in all my glory, limp dick in my hand, tissues all over my floor, lesbian porn looping on my monitor, and exhausted in my computer chair.

"See subconscious, I can't be gay. I got off to lesbian porn."

"Yeah, you beat it to a bunch of gay people having gay sex because you want to secretly have gay sex."

"That's a bullshit theory."

"Yeah, but it's your theory, and it's not theory, it's fact."

I can't win any arguments against myself. So today, I became gay I guess because I like to wack it to internet lesbian porn. Not what I expected to happen when I woke up today, but all I can do is take it one day at a time.

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