15 Alternative Birth Control Methods in Trump’s America
A helpful list of alternative and underutilized birth control methods for women worried about potential changes to American healthcare laws.
Comedy Writing
The Handmaid’s Tale is Especially Scary For Me Because I’m Rich and White
Offred was forced to have sex with the commander again in front of his wife. Who treats white women like that!? Ugh, it was so terrible, because that like literally is my life.
Help! I’m Stuck in a Thirst Trap and I Can’t Get Out!
Dad?! What are you doing down here? Clara Robertson's picture? Ew, Dad, that's my old classmate, why do you even follow her on Instagram?
Honest “Working From Home Today” Emails
Hey everyone, gonna go heads down on this project from home today. I concentrate a lot better in my apartment since I don't have to do boring things there such as my job.
Mark Zuckerberg Introduces Facebook Bona Fide for $8/Month
For just $8/month, Facebook Bona Fide will allow users in the six travel-banned countries to make up to 12 Bona Fide friend requests each month to users in the US.
Hold On, I Just Want to Make Sure Our Dirty Talk is Statistically Accurate
Sorry, I hate to do this, but I can't confidently call you "the best" unless I have a control group of other guys who are strictly worse at doing that exact specific thing you're doing right now.
8 Tips to Avoid Queefing During Yoga Class
If you get stuck in a pose and you know you can't get out of it without queefing, simply stay in that pose for the rest of eternity.
Please Dispose of My Phone Number in the Correct Receptacle
If we slept together and haven't spoken in over two months, please throw my number in the trash. Otherwise, please refer to this guide for appropriate actions.
I Don’t Care About the Size of Your Penis, But I Do Hate You
I know you didn't choose to be so poorly-endowed. But you did choose to be an unbearable asshole, and I want to be clear about my contempt for your very existence.
I’m Sorry I Blocked You On Facebook But I’d Like to Continue Sleeping Together
I don't see why we can’t continue to to do sex even though I’ve terminated our Facebook friendship. After all, it’s called "friends with benefits," not "Facebook friends with benefits."
A Guided Meditation for Increased Self-Awareness of the Piece of Garbage You Really Are
Be aware of how your stresses don’t matter, because your job doesn’t matter, and neither do you. Let this knowledge relax you.
6 Venmo Requests to Send a Guy After a First Date
Amount: $40 Message: "Marketing fees associated with me blogging about this date." Rationale: He’s a weirdo, and weirdos need to be blogged about.