Quick, name ten kick-ass women in the climate change denial movement.

You can’t? That’s no surprise, it’s hard to name ten of anything on the spot, even numbers. But my gimmick still proves this: the climate change denial movement is a total sausage fest. And at this rate, climate change will destroy the earth before women have a chance to rise up and deny that that is exactly what’s happening.

Some men in the movement have old-fashioned ideas. They think a woman’s place is in the home, not taking a job as head of the EPA and gaslighting the American people. But these men have clearly never read the intersectional tweets of women like Ann Coulter. With gems like, “I’m fine with pretending to believe in global warming if we can save our language, culture, and borders,” Coulter infuses her denialism with xenophobia and amplifies the voices of unmarginalized communities.

While many have heard of Coulter, it’s also important to celebrate ordinary women, who, despite the raging patriarchy, find ways to deny the coming climate disaster. Take my godmother, for example. She denies climate change every day, because she hates the way the left politicizes natural disasters through its climate change agenda. For her, a hurricane is a tragedy and should be a time for thoughts, prayers, and saying the hurricane was caused by gay marriage.

Why can’t the left just respect that?

We must address the toxic masculinity that dominates climate change denialism. I would know. I have been highly toxic, not just to the environment, but also to the climate change denial movement itself. As a youngster, I used to take plastic bottles out of the recycling bin, put them in the regular bin, and shout, “take that, bitches!” But I am now taking the time to educate myself. Now I use more inclusive rhetoric—like “socialists,” or “male and female bitches.” I’m still banned from every Trader Joe’s parking lot in the county, but I guess the point I’m making is this: if you don’t have something mean to say about everyone, find something mean to say about everyone.

Recently I went to a cocktail party with a group of executives from Exxon Mobil, since my dad was allowed to bring a guest. One of the women executives there was a total #girlboss. She was trying to talk about this study she funded, which found that researching alternative sources of energy might seem like a good idea until you consider the huge cost to Exxon. But every time she started talking, all the male executives pulled out their phone and stopped listening.

“Excuse me,” I interjected, just as she began to speak. “Do you men think that you don’t need to listen to this girl boss? If so, you are no better than the hubristic climate change activists.” She left the party right then and there, satisfied that I had spoken for her.

But I’m not the only ally helping women overturn the system. Take Dick Cheney, of “war in Iraq” fame. What many don’t know about Dick is that, on the side, he has actively lied about climate change for decades—and he has been a major supporter of his daughter Liz Cheney’s climate denialism. From the time Liz was little, Dick would take her to experience the great outdoors, to instill in her the idea that nature doesn’t matter at all. With Dick’s help, Liz has become a leading voice in the denial movement. I am inspired each and every day by her ability to speak power to truth.

Dick and Liz are more than just a heart-warming story of lying to protect the coal industry. They set an example for all. We all have mothers and sisters who have been silenced by the toxic masculinity of climate change denial. It’s time to empower them, before climate change disempowers us all.


And now a quick joke...

ALWAYS recycle dead batteries. NEVER put them in the garbage. My brother WILL go through your trash and he WILL throw them at me if he finds them!!