tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51342929480654148382008-05-15T12:17:03.074-07:00Courtnoreply@blogger.comBlogger111125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-16194031076777304092008-05-12T22:26:00.001-07:002008-05-12T22:32:17.230-07:00

I often wind up having aim conversations that I think may be of some humor to an outsider. Congratulations, you're now an outsider. This probably won't be an overly regular thing, just a once in a while little treat. inblack* (12:15:04 AM): they have this thing called operation gay domination inblack (12:15:25 AM): where they try to seduce straight guys inblack (12:15:32 AM): which hasn't gone

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-12337864555911566142008-05-12T15:02:00.000-07:002008-05-12T16:03:28.018-07:00

1. I was born in New York City, at the historically young age of 0 years old. 2. I despise raisins. Not simply because they are such an awful food, but because they’re pervasively awful. Perfectly good bran flakes? Not if raisins have anything to say bout it. Delicious and healthy trail mix? Hey, can raisins get in on that? Oatmeal cookies? Mind if raisins crash here for a little while?

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-32821807778137606362008-05-06T15:15:00.000-07:002008-05-06T15:24:57.196-07:00

It's not every hour that you get an email like this. Give your lassie endless nights of pure delight and passion with a big one! Bring more love and passion into your life today! angry expressions, indistinctly or with a low voice andthings."The President of France Jacques Chirac announces that The President of France Jacques Chirac announces thatangry expressions, indistinctly or with a low

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-65921408877407407412008-05-05T11:18:00.000-07:002008-05-06T10:40:20.721-07:00

I've been in a variety of office environments. I've been in the kind of offices where everybody just kind of sits around and does their own thing on their own computer, I've been in the kind of office where everybody has a lot of interaction with each other but ignores me, I've been in the kind of offices where people still wonder if I'm coming to fix the air conditioner even though a.)I've been

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-19573815755119867122008-05-01T10:24:00.000-07:002008-05-01T10:42:53.777-07:00

Romance: I think it's ok to have sex with a third cousin, if the first two have gained a lot of weight. Politics: I don't want to be the Vice President, just the President of Vices. Family: I guess a 5th birthday party is too late for a coathanger abortion, but I'll be damned if that clown didn't give it the ol' college try. Employment: I'm not a clown, I just dress up like one for

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-44982844502015592932008-04-27T23:11:00.001-07:002008-04-27T23:12:51.356-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-15780250523993411812008-04-27T09:41:00.000-07:002008-04-27T09:43:15.283-07:00

Hey, Karen. Stace, you finished that paper yet? Nah, me neither. It's like what they say: procrastination is just like masturbating. Sure it feels good, but in the end, you're just fucking yourself. Also because I like to jerk off instead of doing papers. Creepy, huh? So you guys going to that party this weekend? I hear it's supposed to be a blast. So by now, you've probably noticed I have an

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-37166321972070481802008-04-24T13:50:00.000-07:002008-04-24T13:54:08.187-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-60263011303880374672008-04-23T07:37:00.000-07:002008-04-23T07:44:47.397-07:00

Sugarcoating: Sugarcoating is pretty awesome; I don't understand why people are so reticent to let it happen to issues. Delicious, delicious issues. Have Your Cake And Eat It Too: It is entirely possible to purchase (steal) a large hunk of cake, have it for a while, and then eat it. Even the revised form, "eat your cake and have it too" doesn't really make that much sense; how could you be

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-23838549308385920142008-04-16T11:19:00.000-07:002008-04-16T11:21:34.611-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-44001209004025958192008-04-14T14:30:00.000-07:002008-04-14T14:33:37.595-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-49177410343186366962008-04-14T12:12:00.000-07:002008-04-14T12:26:07.824-07:00

A few days ago, in a music class, we listened to about 5-7 minutes of some piece and were assigned to write based on what we heard. For whatever reason, my freewriting came out in verse. Anyway, it's rough, and I'm not going to edit it, but I thought it was mildly interesting: The trumpets they trumped, the speakers they spoke! The naked donned armor and helmet and cloak! They called on their

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-26524360583645797352008-04-10T15:56:00.000-07:002008-04-10T16:09:47.596-07:00

It’s been a while since I needlessly dissected a Violent Acres post. V has pretty good lately about not saying needlessly stupid and inflammatory things and sticking to topics on which she can actually offer insight. Unfortunately, that streak came to an abrupt, abrupt halt today. Let us begin. You might want to grab a half-caf soy mochiatto – it’s a long one. The problem with Atheists is most

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-32108079501247421082008-04-10T14:39:00.000-07:002008-04-10T14:43:52.230-07:00

Another romantic-type thing, and probably the last one that's going to go on this blog. You might have seen a different version of this before, if you're a stalker: Equal power between the sexes is a sham. Oh sure, men might get better jobs and get paid more, but that means quite little when you realize that they only go to those jobs and make that money to impress women. Unless they’re gay,

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-24264165864728174672008-04-09T11:27:00.000-07:002008-04-09T11:34:55.658-07:00

(Click, as always, to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-79918362688596762582008-04-07T13:10:00.000-07:002008-04-09T11:35:31.170-07:00

Don't worry your pretty little heads. This week promises to be content filled. I'd like to take this opportunity to extend link week and introduce you to Jonathan Marine's website. Chock full of ass, just like mom used to make. As always, click the comic to see better.

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-55046689190751780152008-03-30T23:05:00.000-07:002008-03-30T23:20:23.510-07:00

Hola amigos, I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been busy plagiarizing satirical newspapers. I've also been working out some column ideas, and guess what? You're the lucky people who get to read teasers/drafts. And, if you're feeling charitable, offer ideas/comments/criticisms or whatever. I was at a club the other night, when a guy offered to buy me a drink. When I

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-72457971849945615312008-03-19T17:01:00.001-07:002008-03-19T17:10:58.324-07:00

If you don't read dinosaur comics, you should. In fact, perhaps you should do so before looking at today's comic, because it might make a lot more sense. This was one of the first times where the whole "Paint" thing was really pretty constricting; let's just say halfway through I kinda wished I had just copied and pasted his. Nonetheless, here it is (Click, as always, to see better):

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-73330693058828127092008-03-17T16:02:00.000-07:002008-03-17T19:07:28.603-07:00

Enjoy the Onion but wish it wasn't as funny? You're in luck! Area Man Finds Way to Work Recent Times Article into Every Conversation Apple Valley, Minnesota: Area man Daniel Roberts has an unblemished streak of bringing up at least one recent New York Times article into every conversation, sources reported Tuesday. “It doesn’t matter what the topic is: sports, religion, science – he finds a way

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-47672020558554878522008-03-16T15:53:00.000-07:002008-03-16T22:04:13.066-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-29215856267924046152008-03-12T21:40:00.000-07:002008-03-12T21:57:13.753-07:00

Right now, I'm in the process of hammering out column ideas. I'm not sure the form yet, but it's almost certainly going to be a romance/sex thing. And who better than me? I had sex once. And if there's one thing I know, the key to a great lover is to leave them wanting more. Ideally you would want to be super skilled, but I find that stopping abruptly has much the same consequence. That

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-75995006542796893632008-03-11T14:29:00.000-07:002008-03-11T14:40:30.071-07:00

Bad Courtroom Defenses Your honor, if I am guilty of anything it is the rape and robbery of the plaintiff. I’m out of order?? This vending machine in my office is out of order! Your honor, it is my clients contention that a more technically appropriate term would be sexual indentured servant. Silent But Lively I had sex with a mime once. I think she was a screamer, but I couldn’t tell.

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-30541150991808491722008-03-10T18:49:00.000-07:002008-03-10T18:51:09.380-07:00

(Click to see better)

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-10869212269029512322008-03-04T18:33:00.000-08:002008-03-04T18:58:01.758-08:00

So I was doing some work today (read: thinking up clever ways to incorporate Paul Frank's name into my articles) when my new phone went buzz buzz in my pants. Normally, I don't keep it on vibrate because I don't like it when a cellular telephone is a better lover than I am, but today my thighs were feeling lonely, so I tossed them a bone. It was an 866 number that I didn't recognize. And like I

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134292948065414838.post-26296347686105030052008-03-03T19:44:00.000-08:002008-03-03T19:46:38.997-08:00

Normally, I would let this type of inanity slide, but I got up on the left side of the bed this morning. Original nonsense in bold. My nonsense in regular typeface. A True Boyfriend - What a real man would do.... Part of me was hoping that she would say "possess testicles" and leave it at that. But alas. Today was truly a left side of bed day. • Grab her neck when you kiss her, it's a

CitizenXhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10794951452439226783noreply@blogger.com